Christlike Love....Is it possible?

     When I first came to Christ many years ago, the idea of Christian love was massively confusing. The commands to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” and “do good to those who hate you” made no sense at all (Matt 5:44, Lk 6:27). I practiced just the opposite for twenty plus years and, honestly, this sounded like really dangerous and even bad advice.  I remember the first chance I had to put faith into action regarding forgiveness and how beautifully strange it felt. On the one hand, I was giving up my right to retaliate and win. On the other, I was gaining victory by choosing to love, relying on Christ to win for me. It was about as close to walking on water as I could imagine.

     Fast forward thirty years and I find myself in all kinds of situations that continue to challenge this call to love and forgiveness, especially when I receive mixed messages. Trying to understand what a person actually means and what his or her intentions are can be incredibly confusing. And it is tempting to focus on discernment, rather than love, so that I can guard my heart from further pain. I reason that if I can learn to discern well enough, I can avoid painful relationships altogether. But, this is not the call of Christ – to measure out love and forgiveness only to those I consider deserving or trustworthy while protecting myself from the others. His call is to love them regardless -- when they say what they mean and mean what they say, and when they do the exact opposite. Why? Because that’s what he did.

     The disciples said they loved Jesus, but they slept when he was preparing to die and continued sleeping in spite of his pleading that they pray. They denied him when faced with the choice of comfort or following him, and they tried to use him for position and power. They even tried to trick him into giving them more food. But none of this deterred Christ from showing them love. He could have easily left the boat rides, the mountainsides, the dusty roads, the Garden and the Cross with a well-documented and justified declaration that these people were not trustworthy and did not deserve His love. His case would have been clear cut, even among his family members, who refused to trust and follow him. Yet we see him blessing his enemies, refusing to retaliate, feeding those who were needy but did not see their need for him, healing many who were not thankful and leading those who were struggling to accept His divine position as their very creator.

     Jesus loved profoundly, extravagantly, sacrificially and wisely but not blindly. He knew the heart of man was deceptive. While he was committed to lavishly giving love, he never put his hope or trust in the return of it. His confidence was that the Father alone could give the faithful love that never fails, and only he as the God man could perfectly live it out by the Spirit’s power. His motivation to love those completely incapable of returning the same kind of love was never based on need or desire but on a heart that was already perfectly satisfied with by his Father’s love.

     Unlike Christ, we often enter relationships with certain expectations that others will love us in return -- that they’ll value us and treat us with the dignity and worth Christ has assigned to us as his image bearers. But we know this does not always happen. Instead, we often leave relationships battled and somewhat scarred. Those we trust sometimes betray us. The ones we sacrifice for sometimes show us the least grace. Those we defend at times attack us. Instead of trying to discern who is going to love us well, we can instead decide to love all those Jesus places in our lives with his love, refusing to be discouraged when they do not return the same, or even when they give us evil for the good we have offered them.

     Our ability and power to show this kind of love can only come from Christ. He not only set the perfect example to show us the way forward, but he has etched his truth on believers' hearts by the Word and the Spirit. We can look to him, the great author of our faith, and see that he did all this not for the immediate gratification of getting his needs met but for the joy set before him (Heb 12:2). He was able to scorn the shame of rejection, press past the broken promises and insults, and refuse to be discouraged by unbelief and the slander, not because he believed these responses would change but because he was on a divine mission to pour out the most downright, beautiful love mankind would ever know. His eyes were fixed on the prize of the mysterious cross, where sin and death were defeated by resurrection power and shame was eclipsed by honor and glory unimaginable.

     Christlike love relinquishes our right to be treated fairly, our demand to see immediate justice and our often obsessive longing to be loved in return. In exchange, we receive the promise that he is with us and will comfort us when our hearts are broken, that he will love us perfectly in the way we long for and that he will give us the grace, strength and wisdom we need to keep loving and giving, over and over and over again, until all anger and hurt and even death comes to a complete end. At that instant, all brokenness and pain from imperfect love will cease, and we’ll experience the incomprehensible fullness of the perfect love of our Father, forever (Eph 3:20).

Stop, Drop and Pray

“If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it” (Gen 4:7). When God spoke these words to Cain, His kind warning was unfortunately ignored. Instead, Cain yielded to the covetousness and envy in his heart and took the life of his own brother. As I consider the tragic outcome of his choice, I am all too aware of my own sin nature and the opportunity I have each day as a Christ follower — to listen to God’s Truth, trust and follow Him or do it my way and suffer.

It seems an easy choice up front. In fact, I don’t think any logical person if presented with this story and the options would choose to ignore God’s leading and walk in misery. But, interestingly, we do it every day. The Lord shows us that going to bed angry or with unforgivness in our heart will result in a root of bitterness (Eph 4:26), but we often ignore the warning and refuse to let go of the anger. He says that if we worship idols we’ll become like them and our hearts will be darkened (Ps 115:8), but we reason that He couldn’t be serious and continue to bow our hearts to money, people, pleasure and our own selves hoping for the best. He says that if we leave “jealousy and selfish ambition” in our hearts, our lives will be chaotic and filled with all kinds of evil (Jas 3:16), but we refuse to let go of what we want and disregard the warning.

Like Cain, “sin is crouching” at the door of our hearts and desires to have us. It’s only as we submit to God, resisting the enemy and choosing instead to walk in the Spirit, that we have victory (Jas 4:7). But how do we actually “do” this in the midst of hectic lives and not nearly enough time and space for reflection?

Stop

When we lived in Korea, we often exercised on the trails by the ocean and mountains nearby. It seemed I got a pebble in my shoe almost every time we walked, but I usually tried to ignore it to keep from stopping. I didn’t want to lose my momentum, but the pebble became so distracting that ignoring it became far more frustrating than the inconvenience of stopping for a few seconds to get it out. That’s the way it is with sin in our lives throughout the day. As soon as we notice that something is not right, that we’ve lost God’s peace or that we’re convicted of saying or doing something we know in our hearts is not pleasing to God, it’s time to stop. Delaying dealing with it only steals from what could otherwise be a joyful and peaceful day with the Lord.

Drop

Once we notice that our communion with God has been breached and we stop to acknowledge it, there’s the opportunity to either yield our hearts to Him in prayer or keep moving forward, maybe with excuses and even good intentions to deal with it later. This reminds me of when the girls were young and would start crying about a problem. Depending on how focused or busy I was, I was tempted to ignore it, which only made it worse and usually the tension escalated. If, on the other hand, I would stop and carefully consider what was happening, drop what I was doing and deal with the struggle it was much more quickly resolved.

Pray

The decision by faith to go before the Lord and ask Him to show us specifically what has happened to unsettle our hearts really doesn’t take much time and it frees us to keep a clear conscience. Not only that, the answer is guaranteed! He promises that when we ask for wisdom with sincere hearts, He’s not going to turn us away but will show us His truth (Jas 1:5-6). When He reveals what we’ve done or not done or how we’ve taken offense at another person’s action or inaction or allowed our emotions to rule us, we can acknowledge and repent of these sins and claim the cleansing blood of Jesus over us (1 Jn 1:6-8). As we strive in the Spirit’s power to keep a clear conscience before God and others, we not only experience inner peace but we are able to reflect Christ’s light and love, bearing fruit for his glory (John 15; Acts 24:16; Matt 5:14).

It Makes All the Difference
We may think that it doesn’t really matter if we leave sin in our hearts, but we see from Cain’s life that it made the difference between life and death. Not that we’ll have such a tragic ending, but each day we ignore God’s Spirit nudging us to listen, trust and follow Him, we become increasingly less spiritually sensitive and our relationship with the Father grows cold. This, in turn, impacts our relationships with others. As we grieve the Holy Spirit, we lose interest in reading the Word, praying and seeking God’s Kingdom and our hearts begin to chase after other idols to satisfy the longing only Christ was meant to fill (Eph 4:30). As our hearts become hardened, we cease living in joy and fellowship with the Father, which leads to many other sins (Rm 1:21-25).

The obvious conclusion is that Cain’s struggle is our struggle. And God’s warning to Him is the same one He gives to us. As His children, we have access into His presence at all times (Heb 4:16). Not only that, we’ve been given all that we need for life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3) along with His promise of forgiveness for all our sins --- past, present and future (Col 2:14). But we have to choose to walk in this truth to experience His love and freedom (1 Jn 1:7). It’s a choice we make throughout the day that can certainly seem cumbersome, but dealing with the sin that seeks to master us is by far the wiser choice than trying to ignore it. Like a pebble in our shoe, the sin and the Spirit’s conviction remain until we stop, yield our hearts and turn back to Him, confessing and forsaking those things that separate us from a life of loving fellowship with the One who loves us perfectly!

Blessings and Trials Intermingled

It’s not that popular as Christians to talk about suffering, but even more unlikely to connect trials with blessings.  We tend to polarize the topics – a lot like we do life and death, marriage and divorce, sickness and health. But Jesus did the exact opposite. He told the disciples their new life in Christ included an intermingling of blessings and trials. When Peter wanted to know about the good things they would receive for leaving everything to follow Him, Jesus said they would get “a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions” (Matt 10:30).

He wanted to be certain they knew God’s intention to bless them, but He didn’t want them deceived into thinking life as followers of Christ was without trials and suffering.  James said we shouldn’t just expect them, but rejoice whenever we face troubles of many kinds. Because it’s the testing of our faith, not the blessing of houses and farms and other means of prosperity, that produces in us perseverance so that we’re mature and complete lacking in nothing (Jas 1:2-4).

I’ve found this principle to be true, not just in my own life but in countless others, including people of faith in the Bible. Each life reveals God’s sovereign plan of interconnected blessings and trials that He somehow uses for His glory and the good of those He loves.  

There’s Abraham and Isaac

God sought out Abraham and promised his offspring would be uncountable, more numerous than the stars. Though Abraham and Sarah were too old to have a child they believed God and took Him at His word.  Even though they were promised a gift beyond comprehension, it carried with it the trial of waiting thirty years as they moved from place to place, following God’s leading. Once Isaac was born, Abraham may have thought his season of struggle was over. But God in His wisdom allowed Abraham to go through a painful surrender of his only son. While God wanted him to enjoy the blessing, he wanted even more to test Abraham’s heart and protect him from idolatry.  

Then there’s Jacob wrestling for a blessing

As he fought all night with the angel of the Lord, Jacob wouldn’t let go until God blessed him. Interestingly, he got the gift he so longed for – along with a “touch” on his hip socket. Jacob left that place with the blessing of a new name signifying his overcoming spirit, but he also had a new limp to remind him that he’d wrestled with the Lord.  He knew Jacob needed both – the promise of His favor after all he’d suffered, and a symbolic reminder that God’s power was infinitely greater than his own.

The Israelites asking for deliverance

As the Israelites were crying out to God to rescue them from exile, He assured them of plans to “prosper them and not to harm them – to give them hope and a future” (Jer 29:11).  But, in the context of that promise, He also gave them the hard news that they would go through seventy more years of exile before they came to a place of humble submission, seeking Him with all their hearts. He knew what they needed to receive the promised blessing, and it included the trial of suffering for many more years.

Jonah, David and Jeremiah

One of my favorite prophets, Jonah, was blessed with taking the Good News to the Ninevites, but only at the cost of giving up his own desires, demands and prejudices.

David received God’s promise that the throne would remain with his descendants forever. Yet, shortly after being anointed by the Spirit, he was thrown into an intense trial of being hunted down by King Saul. His blessing of ruling as king included many chapters of suffering, including hiding in caves where he was pleading for God to protect him. 

Jeremiah, appointed by God as a “prophet to the nations”, was reminded he’d been chosen for the job before he was born. God gave him an extraordinary task of tearing down and destroying as well as building and planting nations. But, this blessing didn’t come without a cost. God reminded him at the start “they will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” Jeremiah, known as the weeping prophet, was threatened with treason, thrown into a pit and left to die. He was given a great calling but daily faced threats on his life.

And many others

Hebrews gives a brief list of them in chapter eleven saying, “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.”  Some were “tortured, put in prison, stoned, sawed in two, killed by the sword, “destitute, persecuted and mistreated…They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.”  These men and women of faith, great leaders in His earthly kingdom, were blessed with God’s presence, given the Spirit’s power and wisdom. They each had the sense of knowing that they were called by God for specific tasks as Kingdom builders, but they had to suffer intensely as part of the blessing.

The mysterious interconnection of blessings and trials

It’s almost impossible to experience blessings without trials, at least in all the lives I’ve seen in the Bible and those I’ve been close to. Yet even with the overwhelming evidence that points to this reality, we tend to form a dichotomy that almost polarizes the two, keeping us from accepting them as part of the same package. In fact, we ask for blessings all the time without even thinking that suffering is going to be an important part in receiving and being able to enjoy them.

I’m coming to a place where I’m ready to accept the truth, as painful as it is. By embracing them both, I can enjoy what I consider the “good stuff” without becoming addicted to it. At the same time, I can be certain that trials will be part of the package. For reasons beyond my comprehension God allows them to be interconnected. He’s the giver of every good and perfect gift – both the blessings and the trials. And often the greater blessing comes out of the trial.