Bitterness has a way of wrapping its long arms around us and literally squeezing the life out of our souls -- if we let it. Anything from a snide comment to a broken promise can spark anger or hurt in our lives, which if left unchecked quickly morphs into bitterness. It’s deadly, and it spreads. Our anger spews out into the lives of those around us and like a wildfire consumes everything in its path (Heb. 12:15).
I remember hearing the quote “hurting people hurt people” when I was younger. I halfway believed it, but more than anything thought it was a weak attempt to explain away cruel behavior. The longer I live and the more I experience the pain of bitterness, the more I realize how true the statement is. We’re all hurting to some degree, but those who aren’t casting their burdens on the Lord and receiving his healing grace and mercy are the ones consumed by and defiling others with their anger.
I went through a period of about five months when we first arrived in Korea when I was so angry at God for bringing me here I could barely breathe. My anger was the first emotion I felt in the morning and at night, and the feeling that ran through my veins throughout the day. With bitterness lurking inside, a small inconvenience could summon me to a point of rage. Life was miserable for me and, as a result, unbearable for my family and others who had had to be around me. I jumped on offenses, quickly misjudged motives, and thought the worst of many situations. My biblical worldview with God at the center had shifted, and my own right to happiness and comfort became my central focus. Because I believed I’d been dealt the wrong set of cards, I excused my anger, allowed it to stay, and began a bitter journey that left many casualties, including my own heart.
Refusing to repent and forgive is more dangerous than our human minds can grasp. That’s why God continually warns us about its consequences (Eph 4:31-32, Col 3:8, 2 Tim 2:24, Jas 1:19-20). We read about the anger of Cain, Esau, Saul and Samson, to name a few, and we watch with trepidation as it destroys lives and kingdoms. Each day the news is filled with stories of anger out of control, and we’re often shocked, even stunned, at what people are capable of doing. But rarely do we make the connection between the evil action and the seemingly incidental root of bitterness that began as a small seed of anger. We tend to think it's our right to nurse a grudge, but later discover that the anger has become lethal.
God gives us some specific ways to handle hurt and anger rather than stuffing it and letting bitterness consume us.
Put on the full armor of God (Eph 6:10-18). We’re to meditate on his Word daily and know who we are in Christ so that "when the day of evil comes we can take our stand." Offenses and difficulties will (not may) happen, and we’re to be prepared for them, not in paranoia, but in realistic anticipation that we may well get hurt. When we stand in our gifted identity in Christ we are not easily knocked down. We put on each piece of God's armor by declaring in faith that we trust in God's perfect provision for our walk of faith to live in his truth, righteousness, peace, faithfulness, hope, and powerful spoken word as we pray continually. This enables us to go into the day in a position of submission with the supreme desire and commitment to trust him. He empowers us to walk in his Spirit's power and not our own so that when the hour of trouble comes we can remain standing...and standing firm with our feet solidly planted on the Rock (Eph. 6:11).
Be still and know that he is God (Ps 46:10). This literally means to relax and know that he’s God. When we encounter hardships, persecution and suffering we need to remind ourselves that God is on his throne and for whatever divine reason he has allowed our trial (Ps 103:19). Whining and complaining won’t make it go away. But remembering God’s sovereignty, his goodness and his commitment to empower and uphold us, enables us to walk by faith and respond according to his perfect, pure and Proven Word instead of in the flesh (Ps 145:8, Is 43:2-3, Eph 4:31-32).
Pray for our enemies (Matt 5:44). Instead of replaying disappointments or offenses over and over in our minds, we can release the desire for vengeance to God, allowing him to bring discipline in his perfect timing (Rom 12:19). With confidence that the righteous Judge is in control, we're free to pray blessings upon our enemies that we and they would repent and be restored.
Bless those who curse us (Lk 6:28) . God says we’re to bless them in prayer and do good to the people who hurt us. This often means taking a step of faith to do something intentionally kind for the person who has possibly done something intentionally evil toward us (Lk 6:35). We’re told to “Be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves,” which means taking steps of kindness not with a naive spirit but in God’s wisdom, asking how we should respond.
Resist the devil and he will flee (Jas 4:7). Every time the temptation comes to hate our enemy or grumble about our circumstances, we can cling to God and resist the devil by standing firm in our faith (1 Pet 5:9). God promises that we will not be tempted beyond what we can bear and that his grace will sustain us if we rely on him (1 Cor 10:13). We're able to stand firm in the face of temptation as we abide in the Word and in prayer, fixing our eyes on God and not our problems.
Speak the truth in love (Eph 4:15). After seeking God in prayer for wisdom and acknowledging our own sin, we need to go to the offender. We can lovingly, not with accusation, explain why we feel angry or hurt. If they listen, then they’ve shown themselves wise (Prov 9:8, 15:32). If they refuse to listen or acknowledge any wrongdoing, then we simply turn them over to the Lord’s discipline and allow him to bring about repentance.
God wants us to have inner peace and to live peacefully with others as much as we're able (Rom 12:18). Walking in thankfulness and love is something we're capable of doing only as we abide in Christ, trusting in his resurrection power at work in us, and doing what our Lord both models and commands. As we see in the Gospels and read in Hebrews, our Great High Priest has suffered in every way but was without sin (Heb 4:15). He is at the Father's right hand interceding for us and ready to help when we cry out to him. In, with and through him we can do all things (Rom 8:34; Phil 4:13).
"What is impossible with men is possible with God" (Lk 18:27).
