Conditions based on human reasoning form the fabric of life for most of us in everything from relationships to what we are going to do over the weekend. Our reasoning goes something like this, "If a person is kind, then we'll return kindness; if the weather is nice, then we'll go on the hike." Amazingly, the formula for many decisions is just that simple, and all we need to do is include the if/then part of the equation to come up with an acceptable and workable answer. But when it comes to God's kingdom and especially the concept of forgiveness and loving our enemies, he steps in with a radical reworking of our logic and presents an entirely new way of living in relationships that is contrary to human understanding apart from his Spirit! Instead of following the seemingly logical equation that says, "If a person repents, then I will forgive them" which is echoed throughout the secular world, the Lord calls us to unconditional forgiveness that says, "If a person sins against me multiple times, then I will keep forgiving them because this is what Jesus does with me."
Some, in an effort to merge the concepts of forgiveness and reconciliation, have come up with a phrase they refer to as "conditional forgiveness." They reason that since forgiveness is always relational between God and man and he requires a lifestyle of ongoing repentance, we can only forgive those who choose to receive it through repentance. Claiming that God asks us to do only what he does, they take Jesus' words in Luke 17:3 as one of their defining proof-texts to show that forgiveness must be conditional instead of unconditional. In this passage, Jesus says, "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent forgive them." While Jesus is clearly speaking of forgiveness here in the context of a person's act of repentance, he speaks about the need for unconditional forgiveness in many other passages. In isolating this verse from the rest of Scripture, this view of conditional forgiveness fails to take into account God's true character and nature and humanity's inability to serve as just and accurate judges, especially as it relates to matters of the heart. It also seems to bypass the very heart of the Gospel, which reveals God daily offering extravagant grace and forgiveness to his children, who though made new through faith in Christ, cannot walk in perfect holiness and repentance with God this side of glory.
"We love because he first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19)
Our ability to love anyone and show them kindness only comes as God pursues us and "[pours] out his love in our hearts by the Holy Spirit given to us" when we come to saving faith (Rom 5:5). Long before we "decide" to put our hope and trust in Christ as Lord, God comes and reveals himself as the One who longs to rescue us from a life of sin and rebellion and show us compassion if we will trust in him. Like the Father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, he runs to meet us before we ask his forgiveness (Lk 15:11-32). It's his extravagant kindness, not his just judgment, that leads us to repentance as Romans 2:4 shows. While he is clear that we must come to him in repentant faith to receive his gift of salvation, this repentance (like the Prodigal's) does not in any way merit his favor (Eph 2:8-9), which he says has been set on us from the foundation of the earth (Eph 1:11). Even as his adopted children who are called to walk with him daily in repentant faith, we are reminded that this does not merit our relationship with him. Instead, it serves as an indication that we are, in fact, born again and no longer enemies of God but his beloved children. This good fruit, in keeping with repentance, is a sign that we are a "good tree" or one's who have now been engrafted into the vine (Matt 7:17).
Another passage proponents of conditional forgiveness use to show that we, too, should only forgive those who repent is Matthew 6:14-15, "For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you" (Matt 6:14-15). Rather than this passage teaching that our daily repentance is a way of keeping God's forgiveness and earning our salvation, it shows that unwillingness to forgive is ipso facto incongruent with the life of the redeemed. As the apostle John writes, "Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have seen" (1 Jn 4:20). Because God has forgiven us all our past, present and future sins (Rom 4:7), we're called and empowered by his Spirit to walk in the same kind of unconditional, ongoing forgiveness and love (Gal 5:22-23). This seventy times seven kind of love that Christ taught about and modeled is one of the key litmus tests of 1 John that reveals we are, in fact, born again of the Spirit and not still dead in our trespasses and sins (Jn 3:1-21; Eph 2:1-10)!
Instead of teaching conditional love, Jesus taught that our forgiveness has nothing to do with another person's admission of their sins against us when he says, "And when you stand and pray, forgive anything you may have against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will forgive the wrongs you have done" (Mk 11:25). When Stephen was being stoned, he expressed forgiveness toward those stoning him, even though they were murderous and unrepentant toward him (Acts 7:60). Jesus spoke words of unconditional forgiveness over the ones who opposed and crucified him, choosing instead to entrust himself to the Father who judges justly and knowing that God would bring vengeance at his proper time -- which he did forty years later (Lk 23:34).
"There is only one Lawgiver and Judge" (Jas 4:12)
Beyond relying on a diminished understanding of God's grace and kindness toward sinful humanity and his call for us to "live as Jesus did", the idea of conditional forgiveness neglects to take into account the limited understanding of humanity regarding one's own heart motives and sin, as well as the heart and motives of others. Adhering to this teaching of conditional forgiveness requires that a person also takes on the forbidden role of both the Lawgiver and the Judge -- the one who determines who is guilty and not guilty, why they are guilty and what has to be done about their sin. While this appears doable when it involves cases addressed by existing laws and regulations, it becomes dangerous and detrimental for the many other incidents and issues that are less clear and primarily involve motives of the heart. For example, if someone repeatedly responds to us in a way that we consider highly offensive but they consider it in line with the teaching of Scripture and as normal behavior, we have a problem. If we choose to be offended and can only forgive if they repent, even though they may not see that repentance is necessary, we have to either accept that we are wrong and and must repent or establish ourselves as God, Judge and Lawmaker (Jas 4:12). It's easy to see that a person exercising this kind of judgement James writes about would become increasingly self-righteous and begin to have contempt for just about everyone -- from an unkind colleague to their family member who is unable to love them in a way that meets their standards.
This kind of limited forgiveness is also an ingredient for disaster in one's marriage and family. Imagine a marriage where each partner is expected to repent of every major offense against the other in order to receive forgiveness. While the goal in Christian marriage is walking in love for God and one another, it's clear from Scripture and all of Christian history that this involves the process of sanctification and often does not happen instantly. For example, what is the husband of a disorganized wife or vice versa to do if full repentance does not take place immediately when this sin is uncovered and discussed? Is the offending spouse to be cut off, removed from relationship and held at a distance until he or she repents? Or how is a parent to continue his or her relationship with a dependent, unrepentant child based on the concept of conditional forgiveness? By nature, this would require stopping fellowship with the child until he or she repented. Christian psychologists, along with secular ones, have shown that this kind of hot/cold, push/pull relationship does not promote reconciliation but instead produces hurting, unstable children who do not understand the concept of grace.
While these examples may seem silly or irrelevant, in order for this concept of conditional forgiveness to be true, it must by nature pass the practical, correspondence and coherence tests. It not only fails the practical test in its inability to be applied to everyday relationships in a way that brings glory to God, it also fails the correspondence and coherence tests in that it does not line up with the overall teaching of Scripture regarding God's extravagant mercy toward us and his call to unconditional forgiveness as seen throughout Scripture.
A True and Better Way
Thankfully, Jesus provides a true and better way of handling conflict and offenses, reflected in his teaching and his own response to sin and evil. He said, "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven...for the measure you use it will be measured to you" (Lk 6:37-38). In the immediate context he shows that even sinners do good to and forgive those who do good to them. But God's children are to live in a completely different way by loving their enemies, doing good to them and lending to those without expecting repayment because "God is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful" (Lk 6:35-36). God wants us to walk like Jesus did so that we reflect his love and mercy, while leaving judgment to him as Jesus modeled, "He entrusted himself to the one who judges justly." (1 Pet 2:23). He shows that he alone is God, and only God can couple forgiveness and reconciliation. As mere humans, we are commanded to hold them apart -- after all, we are not and never will be God. (Rom 14:4, 10).
As humans who cannot equate forgiveness with reconciliation, we are encouraged to leave vengeance to the Lord and instead seek to "live at peace with all men as far as it is possible with us" (Rom 12:17). If someone refuses to repent of their sins and we're to remain in relationship with them, we can consider them an enemy which also requires unconditional forgiveness. This involves following what Paul and Solomon said, "If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink" (Rom 12:20; Prov 25:21-22). In the context of Paul's teaching in Romans 12, he concludes with the same thought as the Lord Jesus, echoing his Sermon on the Mount, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:21). For us to be like God as image bearers reflecting his glory, we are to be merciful like he is merciful instead of looking for ways to extract justice, which is the human default when we hear the words conditional forgiveness. Whether we are dealing with a friend or a perceived enemy, the Lord shows that our response remains that of love.
"First take the log out of your own eye" (Matt 7:5)
Jesus provides a prior step to forgiving that is found in both the Sermon on the Mount (Matt 5-7) and the Sermon on the Plain (Lk 6). He asks, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your own brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" (Lk 6:39). Prior to forgiveness, he says we are to look to God the Holy Spirit to give us grief and sorrow in our own heart for anything we have done wrong so that we can repent. Otherwise, Jesus says we will be like blind people leading the blind into a ditch (Lk 6:39), and we will train all of our children and followers to become blind guides and contempt-filled people, which he warns is an abomination before God (Lk 16:15).
When we have repented of our sins with the grief given by the Holy Spirit (2 Cor 7:10) we are free to release unconditional forgiveness. It's only with that releasing of unconditional forgiveness that we can see clearly enough to candidly draw an offender's attention to their sin against us. As Leviticus 19:17 warns, "Do not hate your brother in your heart" -- that is, hold onto bitterness and unforgiveness toward them. Instead, "Rebuke your neighbor candidly so you will not share in his [or her] guilt" (Lev 19:17). As we have allowed the Lord to show us the greatness of our own sin, we are able to forgive our brother and approach him or her with hearts of compassion and humility knowing that we are also in need of great mercy and forgiveness. When we fail to take this step when appropriate, we share partially in their guilt (Gal 6:1-2). Moses then immediately says, "Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD" (Lev 19:18).
And last, after repenting, releasing vengeance (unconditional forgiveness) and candidly rebuking in love, we are free to seek true reconciliation. As Jesus said, If you are worshipping and "there remember that your brother has something against you...first go and be reconciled to your brother; and then come" back to worship (Matt 5:23-24). God desires that we be "united in spirit and purpose" (Phil 2:2) and that we "keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (Eph 4:3). His goal for us as his children is that we practice ongoing, unconditional forgiveness toward one another, both toward our friends and those we perceive as our enemies. This often involves speaking the truth in love and humbly confronting others when they sin against us. At the same time, he reminds us that "it is a man's honor to overlook an offense" (Prov 19:11).
The way of wisdom and grace requires that we approach the whole issue of forgiveness and repentance from a posture of humility and love -- seeking to reflect God's grace and truth to others in the same extravagant, life giving way that we've received it on a daily basis and never forgetting that we, apart from God's amazing grace, deserve eternal death (1 Cor 5:10). It's impossible to do this if we come to relationships with the concept of conditional forgiveness -- establishing ourselves as God and Judge and seeking to extract justice instead of leaving vengeance to the Lord and loving our neighbor as ourself.
"I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?" (Matt 18:32-33)
