When Manners and Mission Collide

“Nancy, won’t you have some butter?” I looked up, surprised that Granny was interested in whether or not I was going to have butter and casually gave her one of my favorite responses, “No thank you.” I had already smothered two rolls in it and planned to have some more -- just not at the moment. Unmoved by my reply, she spoke a little louder in a more serious tone that told me a lesson was coming, “Well then, why don’t you pass it so that someone else might have some?” I finally got it! She wasn’t asking me if I enjoyed the butter or even if I wanted more. She was instructing me, in a way that only a seasoned Southerner could understand, to send it to her end of the table so she could have some.

Thanks to my genteel Granny, I was given some life-saving skills to survive in my Southern habitat. I started acquiring these necessary skills at an early age by instruction, observation, repetition and, of course, my Granny’s correction. Just before graduation, I received the official guide to keep me informed on everything from phone conversations to gift giving. It was Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, and it was my etiquette bible – one I couldn’t live without.

My childhood training not to offend began to pay off in college, where I was given even more tips from our housemother Mrs. B. Her arched brows and tilted head let us know that we were on the verge of being called out – and nobody, I mean nobody, wanted that! Thankfully by then I knew what to do when I got to the table, and I could scout out with ease the less informed – those with piled up bowls and condiments right in front of them while the rest of us sat with empty or half-filled plates. Not only that, I could peruse the most challenging dinner conversations with a gracious smile and lots of kindness. Life seemed more easily containable with manners as my guide for achieving the peace and acceptance I always dreamed of.

The problem began to emerge in my early 20’s when I started reading the Gospels and studying the life of Jesus. I began to notice two characteristics about His personality that seemed to be diametrically opposed to the world system. Worse yet, they broke the rules I’d learned most of my life and left me perplexed. While He was kind, gracious and always willing to show consideration for those who were in need, at the same time He seemed more concerned for truth and God’s honor than anything else – often saying hard words and doing things that made others uncomfortable and even angry.

As I followed Him on dusty trips from town to town, I saw Him eating with His hands and even allowing a woman to wipe perfume on His feet with her dirty hair. To top that off, He corrected the host family, instead of the woman, rather bluntly for not showing Him kindness. He didn’t just break my family’s table manners, He made comments in public that were inconceivable to my Southern mind. In Matthew 12:34, He called the religious leaders who rejected His Lordship a “brood of vipers” and “whitewashed tombs,” and in Matthew 23:24 He referred to them as “blind guides”.  

He showed extraordinary kindness to the poor and sick and even welcomed them, regardless of their background or education, to be His followers. But to those who rejected His person and work, including His own family and disciples, Jesus gave stern rebukes (Matthew 12:47-50; 16:23). He preached with such great power and wisdom that the people were in awe (Lk 4:32). But their adulation didn’t keep Him from turning over the tables in the temple on one occasion and throwing out the ones who were doing business there instead of allowing the Gentiles to worship the Lord (Matthew 21:12-13).

I tried applying principles of contextualization, assuming His behavior must have been admissible in His culture – just not mine. However, as I continued reading through other books in the New Testament, I realized there was a common thread linking the messages of all the authors. Some came from uneducated backgrounds, while others were more cultured. Regardless of their family ties or social standing, as Christ followers they declared Christ, His Word and His honor supreme over anyone and everything. This gave them courage as well as conviction to proclaim with boldness those truths that were essential, even when they were not popular.

It wasn’t that they were superhuman and enjoyed rejection. Instead, it was a decision of the will to live for Christ. In regard to speaking up and proclaiming the truth even when it meant rejection Paul said, "If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1:10). Peter faced similar challenges, though he gave way to fear on a couple of significant occasions. When asked if he was a follower of Christ after Jesus’ arrest, he denied it for the sake of self-protection. Later, in Galatians, Peter was still struggling with people pleasing and trying to blend in at dinner without causing any problems with the more conservative Jews. His failure to stand up for the Truth didn’t go unnoticed though, and Paul publicly rebuked him for double-mindedness (Galatians 2:11-14).

While my commitment to showing kindness to others through nice manners is as strong as ever, I have experienced a major paradigm shift when it comes to choosing pleasing people over pleasing God. After all, He is God! He makes it clear that people-pleasing is the opposite of fearing God, and we cannot be committed to both (Exodus 20:3-5). Choosing to fear and even worship people instead of God “is a snare," while those who trust in the Lord are promised they will be kept safe (Proverbs 29:25).

Jesus never excuses rudeness or cruelty but wants us to love and treat others like we want to be treated (Mark 12:31). He calls for us to speak the truth, and to do it with hearts of love (Ephesians 4:15). But instead of allowing others’ opinions to dictate what we say and do, we are to live for God’s approval, doing what we know is pleasing to Him. This decision means we will often burst out of the mold of cultural norms. We will repeatedly be faced with the choice of blending in with the crowd or living out God’s truth. At times we will need to speak out on crucial issues that guarantee we will not win everyone’s acceptance. The commitment to place God’s Word and His approval above everything else is not a diversion from loving our neighbor as ourselves. Instead, it's the only way to express authentic love and Christ-like kindness.

"On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts"(1 Thessalonians 2:4).

A Righteousness that is by Faith

Jesus had many words to say regarding the attitudes and actions of the Scribes and Pharisees, who he said, “considered themselves righteous but held others in contempt” (Luke 18:9). Through generations of life under the weight of the Law, these religious leaders had devised a man-made way to gain righteousness. Instead of expressly trying to diminish the teaching of the 613 Laws God had given them, they created additional laws to provide loopholes for themselves. These laws, which added intricate instructions for how to carry out God’s commands with additional regulations, were their way of managing sin through external transformation and setting themselves above others. While they appeared righteous on the outside with such strict conformity to rules and regulations, Jesus showed that this was exactly the opposite of their true condition (Luke 23:27-28). Through his teaching he sought to point them to their need for forgiveness, healing and mercy so that they could receive his gift of true righteousness that comes by faith.

The need for forgiveness

Their external adherence to a code of righteousness had fooled them into believing that their works were pleasing to God. Jesus came among them to show the way out of this trap and to help them see their need for forgiveness. Through the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector he painted a picture of two men who were spiritual polar opposites by zooming in on their prayers as they came before God in the temple (Luke 18:9-14). One felt confident that he was set apart from the sinners of the world through his perfect adherence to the Law, while the other was so woefully aware of his sins he could not even look up to heaven but beat his breast and pleaded for God’s mercy (Luke 18:13). Shockingly, Jesus revealed that it was not the first man but the second who “went home justified before God” (Luke 18:14). His acknowledgement of his sin and need for grace and mercy revealed a heart of humility, contrasted with the pride and arrogance of the Pharisee who “flattered himself too much to detect or hate his sin” (Psalm 36:1).

The need for spiritual healing

The Pharisees and religious leaders were deceived into thinking that their external obedience to the Law and separation from the sinner was their source of spiritual health, which was the reason they had such great contempt for others. When Jesus was at Levi’s house, enjoying dinner with his friends, they were offended by his willingness to associate with those who were considered unrighteous and unclean (Luke 5:27-31). They had, on the contrary, worked hard to establish their own set-apart system to prevent this kind of contamination and could not understand how Jesus could be considered righteous while not adhering to the same strict separation. Their accusation opened the door for more instruction as Christ assured them that it was not the healthy who needed a doctor but the sick, and that he had come to call sinners, not the righteous, to salvation (Luke 5:32). Their self-righteousness was the very thing that prevented them from receiving the Great Physician’s healing balm of forgiveness and acceptance. 

The need to receive mercy

While Jesus was pointing sinners to salvation through humble reliance on the righteousness of God, whose yoke was easy and burden light, the Pharisees and religious leaders were instructing them on self-reliance -- giving them “cumbersome loads” to carry (Matthew 23:4).  They made converts of sinners to their religious system but weighed them down with regulations so that Jesus said their converts became worse off than they were (Matthew 23:15). Instead of allowing the Word of God to point them to Christ so that they could receive much-needed mercy and grace, they used it as an instrument to measure their own righteousness and condemn others. 

Only one way forward

Thankfully, Jesus showed them and us the way forward out of the trap of self-righteousness and spiritual self-deception and into the righteousness of Christ. We, like the tax collector, can humble ourselves before God and acknowledge our utter sinfulness in the flesh and our complete inability in our own strength to do anything to fix ourselves and make ourselves righteous before a perfect and holy God. Christ assures us that if we’ve even hated someone in our heart, we’ve committed murder, or looked at another person with lustful desire, we’ve committed adultery, so that “there is no one righteous; not even one” (Romans 3:10-12; Matthew 5:21-45). 

We can ask the Lord to reveal those areas of man-made rules and regulations where we have established a covering of self-righteousness and developed contempt for others. When he shows us these areas of sin, we can repent and turn back to the Gospel, which declares that “No one will be justified by trying to keep the Law” But that “the just will live by faith” (Galatians 2:16; Romans 1:17). 

We can also ask the Lord to show us the board in our own eye and repent for trying to remove the speck from others’ eyes (Matthew 7:3-5). When we sit in the seat of the big sinner who is saved by grace alone, we will be able to first receive mercy and then to show mercy and grace to other sinners in need of the same grace. The Lord’s passion for seeking and saving the lost will become our passion. And instead of making the Gospel and Christianity an elite group that few can enter, it will become the place where sinners are beckoned to come – where they too can feast on the goodness and faithfulness of the Father and receive his gift of true righteousness through the gift of repentant faith in his Son, Jesus Christ!

“God, have mercy on me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13).

The Sovereign LORD is Near

At the very onset of the Fall of humanity into sin and rebellion, God promised that the Messiah would come through the line of the seed of the first woman, Eve, and that he would crush the head of the Serpent, Satan (Genesis 3:15). At the same time, God warned that the seed of the Serpent would strike the heel of Redeemer in an attempt to destroy him, though he would fail. Theologians refer to this as the protoevangelium or the first Gospel since it provides the initial picture of the coming Messiah. From this time forward in Scripture we see the conflict erupt between Satan and the people of the promise as he also seeks to destroy them.  While the battle is real and continues, the Lord shows us by example how to stand firm with resolute confidence that he and the Father are very near and that no accusation or condemnation can stand against us!

Darkness hates the light and seeks to extinguish it

Genesis 4 zeroes in on the murder of Abel by his brother Cain, who killed him “because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous” (1 John 3:12). The bitter jealousy and envy in Cain’s life drove him to extinguish the life and light of his brother. This same thread of murder and revenge can be seen in story after story throughout the Bible as the Serpent incites his children against God's children. Isaiah, in particular, highlights the Serpent’s hatred of the coming Messiah, not only to provide a picture of his future suffering and death but to stand as a warning for us about what to expect as children of God. This window of warning in the Servant Song of Isaiah 50:6-9 shows us the methods and tactics the Serpent and his followers will use against the Christ and his followers. As Jesus promised, “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also” (John 15:20).

He did not hide his face from mocking and spitting

In Isaiah 50:6, we see the coming Messiah’s response to this evil opposition as he declares, “I did not hide my face from mocking and spitting.” This is exactly how we witness Christ responding to his persecutors as they mock and hit him. Peter summarizes his response in 1 Peter 2:23, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.” He then shows the action he took in place of seeking revenge or trying to defend himself, “Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). This beautifully coincides with the Isaiah passage where the writer explains why did he did not hide from the “mocking and spitting”: “Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced.” Again, in verse 9 he declares that because his help comes from the Sovereign God, he is confident he will be protected from the attacks of his accusers. 

He set his face like flint

In addition to refusing to retaliate because he’s confidently trusting in the Sovereign God, he says that he set his face like flint (Isaiah 50:6).  Having a face that is like flint is one that is solid, hard as stone and unbreakable. As we know from the Gospel accounts, Jesus’ face was set with unwavering determination on the cross and finishing the work the Father sent him to do so that nothing and no one could stop him. This concept is also mentioned in Ezekiel 3:8-9 where God promises to give the prophet a forehead like flint to powerfully withstand the attacks of the “snakes” and “scorpions” among him (Ezekiel 2:6). In addition to these examples, we see the Lord giving this kind of hardness and resistance against the enemy’s attacks to all of his prophets and his apostles. 

He is confident he will not be put to shame

In spite of the escalating persecution and opposition, Jesus was confident he would not be put to shame or disgraced. He trusted that the Father would vindicate him and do just as he promised by raising him from the dead and ultimately defeating sin, death and Satan. The apostle Paul, who also writes about opposition from evil men, shares this same eclipsing confidence. Though he is often hard pressed and persecuted, he is certain that God will never fail or forsake him and will be with him in trouble (1 Corinthians 4:12, 2 Corinthians 4:9; Hebrews 13:5). As a result, he urges others in the church in Philippians 1:28 to stand firm in this resolute confidence that they will not be put to shame. He instructs them to trust the LORD rather than being intimidated and fearing opposition, which he promises “Is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved—and that by God.”

His vindicator is near

Jesus knew throughout the mockery of his trial and crucifixion that his vindicator was near and would bring judgment on the wicked, just as he promised. Though he did not come to condemn the world but rather to bring salvation (John 3:17), he warned about hell and the great judgment day of the Serpent and his offspring more than any other New Testament writer. Following in his footsteps, the other writers of the NT spoke about this judgment day to encourage believers to remain steadfast and immovable in the Gospel in spite of opposition with the assurance that the Lord will reward them and punish the wicked (Hebrews 13:5, James 5:7-11,1 Peter 4:12-19, 1 John 3:13-15). This great day of the Lord will be one of vindication for the followers of Christ and one of eternal death for those who oppose God and his people and refuse to repent.

All charges and accusations are powerless

They hurled insults, false accusations and charges against Christ, but all were powerless since he alone is the righteous Judge (2 Timothy 4:8), the King of kings and Lord of lords (Revelation 19:16). He and his Father sit in the highest place in the heavenlies, where he reigns and rules over all leaders and people (Psalm 2; 110, 1 Corinthians 15:20-28). Since he is both the Just One and the Justifier (Romans 3:26), it is impossible for any accusation or charge to stand in his court. He guarantees that those who are his children by rebirth are safe from every one of these vicious attacks. The apostle Paul writes about this in Romans 8:31-39, echoing Isaiah 50:6, “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns?” (Romans 8:33). Paul’s conclusion is that “no one” can bring a charge against or condemn God’s people. Why, because “Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us” (Romans 8:34). These accusations, which come like arrows against the children of God, are impotent before the Messiah King who is eternally declaring each accused one of his children, “Not guilty” and righteous in Christ.

What are we to do in the face of such evil opposition?

When we face similar mocking, scoffing and accusations from the Serpent and his children, we need to remember that Christ’s confident response is ours as his adopted children and heirs (Romans 8:17). As those who are now joined to Christ in his death and resurrection, everything that belongs to him is ours through this this vital union (Ephesians 2:6; Colossians 3:3). By faith, we can stand in his resurrection power (Romans 6:10-11) and wisdom (1 Corinthians 2:16). We can appropriate by faith the same armor he put on when he came to defeat sin, death and Satan as seen in Isaiah 11:5, 49:2, 52:7, 59:17 and in Ephesians 6:10-18. As they hurl insults against us, we can follow Christ’s beautiful example and stand firm in confident, unmovable trust that the Sovereign LORD is with us and that he is near. He guarantees that he will not let us be ashamed or disgraced but instead will fight for us and rescue us eternally from all evil and harm (Psalm 35:1). 

“But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message would be fully proclaimed, and all the Gentiles would hear it. So I was delivered from the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will rescue me from every evil action and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen” (2 Timothy 4:17-18). 

"Arrows: I will be with you" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je3lmscEkBc&vl=en-US