Light. I love the way it bounces in a room bringing once dull colors and shapes to life. How it radiates through a forest illuminating the path. And when it sparkles off ocean waves and together with the breeze makes me feel all warm inside. It chases away the darkness, reminding me of the presence of God and filling me with a sense of hope.
This has been the second full week the girls have been gone. Together we boarded a small plane, crossing the ocean to their future home for the next nine months…a Christian school with hundreds of other American kids. I boarded a similar small plane four days later and returned to Korea, feeling like I’d not only left my girls in another country but part of myself.
No matter how many blinds I pull and how brightly the sun shines through the windows there’s a certain darkness that remains. It’s loneliness, a sense of loss and longing for their presence that even the sunshine in all its splendor can’t chase away. And I’ve succumbed to it in many ways, allowing myself to wallow in self pity as I sit solemnly on the couch or wander into their rooms trying to picture them here again.
No matter how many blinds I pull and how brightly the sun shines through the windows there’s a certain darkness that remains. It’s loneliness, a sense of loss and longing for their presence that even the sunshine in all its splendor can’t chase away. And I’ve succumbed to it in many ways, allowing myself to wallow in self pity as I sit solemnly on the couch or wander into their rooms trying to picture them here again.
In the midst of this, I’ve crossed paths with a myriad of others going through much darker times than I am right now. As I listen to their stories and hear about how disappointment has stolen their dreams and robbed them of joy, I’m tempted to throw my hands up in despair. Surely the darkness has overtaken us! Surely there is no real hope of recovery from its murky presence! And I cry out, “Why God? Why do you allow us to go through such difficulties when you could stop them with one word?”
The other night Mark and I were sitting at the table eating dinner when I brought up my frustration over God’s sovereignty. His simple words to me were, “God is good.” And throughout our conversation, he refused to move from the certain fact that regardless of what I or anyone else experienced whether painful or life threatening….God is good. I left the conversation feeling angry yet relieved. Angry that his goodness was such a mystery to me, but relieved that I married someone who won’t allow anything to obscure or taint God’s character.
And I began wondering….what if God healed every sickness and disease? What if He fixed every bad situation we prayed about? Obviously the result would be that none of us would have any problems, at least no long-lasting ones. What if the moment we cried out to him for help, he removed the problem or the trial and we were immediately transferred back to a state of peaceful, carefree existence? I’m wondering what we’d actually learn and how we’d ever grow. Also, I’m wondering how much we’d need him beyond the initial cry for help.
God could sit down with each of us and explain why we’re going through what we’re going through. And he could give us a detailed accounting of how he intends to work it for good in our lives and the lives of others. He could lay it all out and show us the relevance of all our suffering. But he doesn’t. And we wonder why. If we could just know why, then maybe we could get through it, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly.
J.I. Packer is one of my favorite theologians. In his book, Knowing God, he says that we often feel slighted when God doesn’t give us an insider’s glance into his providence, especially since our relationship as his children puts us in a special place of honor with him. However, because of the vastness of his wisdom, and the interconnecting nature of all the details of existence his plans are so far beyond our comprehension that our understanding of them, even if explained, is impossible. Instead, we have to trust in his perfect goodness and love toward us as well as his commitment to working all things, good and bad, together for our good and his glory.
Satan would have us forget this goodness. He isolates the darkness and presents it to us in parcels of despair, trying to convince us that there is no Light…..that He’s been snuffed out….that Jesus isn’t at work in this or that particular situation. But the Light of the world is shining and will continue to shine. His can't be snuffed out and his power is such that no one and nothing can contain it. We may sit for a season in a dark corner of the room, devoid of all natural light, but that doesn’t change the fact that the sunshine is still bursting forth with great power illuminating everything in its path with unceasing brightness.
Stepping out into the sunshine of God’s Word we’re able to once again see the truth that God is indeed the Father of Light. He clothes himself in light and there's no element of darkness (not one single speck of it) in him at all. Jesus promised that, “He that follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” No matter how great the darkness, it can’t hide us from God or separate us from his love.
"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139:7-12
