Life is Messy, but God Redeems All Things

 Life is messy, isn’t it? We’re born in a sterile world, greeted with radiant smiles of delight, and immediately given everything we need for life and comfort, if we’re blessed with loving parents. Our own children experience this same miraculous beginning. But we discover within hours that though we’re awestruck by the miracle of their birth, it's going to be a complicated adventure. I’ll never forget the first dirty diaper our older daughter produced and the look on my face when I saw it! As the years passed, laughter was intermingled with tears, fresh smocked dresses often gave way to mud stained pants from hours of play outside. Clean windows soon displayed handprint artwork and face smudges. Fast forward to the teen years when one minute’s excitement almost instantly fades to emotional outbursts of disappointment over some overlapping experience. We discover, not just in the beginning, but all along the journey, that life is both beautiful and messy.

I remember the days leading up the birth of both daughters and all the promises I made to God that I’d do everything I could to protect, provide for and love them, teaching them to adore him with all their hearts. I dove in with great anticipation and a sense of assurance that my parenting would far exceed anything I could imagine -- not because I thought I was invincible, but because someone greater was fueling this desire and longing in my heart. Over the years, I saw God do the miraculous as he took my prayers, transformed them by his power, and developed character, love and hope in our children. It wasn’t easy or clean like I’d imagined; it was complicated and messy, but God was at work nonetheless.

Being a mom has honestly been the most fulfilling and rewarding experience of my life. I’ve said it many times and mean it that if I could go back and parent the girls ten more times I’d joyfully do it -- provided I could turn back the clock and have the same energy I had in the beginning. With each time, I’d likely grow wiser and do a better job in many areas, but as many do overs as I was given I’d never be able to escape the reality that life is messy and complicated and I’ll never be perfect. Living in a redeemed yet broken world means that there will always be interlocking joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, gain and loss, met and unmet needs, life and death. Like two sides of a coin, they remain together.
 

As the girls have grown up and are entering a new phase of life, they’ve opened up and shared with me areas where they’ve had extreme disappointment and even anger because of things I’ve done or not done. I’m honored that they feel the freedom to speak the truth in love to me so that we can grow together and move past the pain. In many ways I’ve needed to ask forgiveness for botched parenting, sin patterns that I ignored or was blind to that negatively impacted them. However, my initial response was defensive anger and shock that they’d consider finding fault with what I worked so hard to do well.  As the anger diminished, I was able to face the truth of what they were saying, which freed me to look back at those snapshots over the years and admit that I was wrong, that I didn’t in many cases do what was wise or right, that even though I did a lot of good, it was mixed with some really bad decisions and actions that hurt my children. This insight gave way to grief, repentance (I pray), and a renewed sense of God’s grace and forgiveness as well as his promise it’s never too late to change.
 

After the worst storm, the sun shines brighter and everything has a fresh new sparkle. That’s what it felt like when these truths, painful ones, were spoken in love. First came the clouds, then the torrential rain. But the story didn’t, doesn’t, stop there. Joy and hope are shining brighter in my heart as I accept the reality that I’ll blow it many more times over the next twenty or so years. I’ll do a lot of things wonderfully well as a mom, but I’ll also miss the mark and bring sorrow into their lives when my intention is the opposite. My hope is no longer in my parenting perfection, but in God’s promise that as I cling to him, walk in in his Spirit and trust him and his promises, he’ll make everything, even my extreme blunders, beautiful in his time.

 Though I didn’t mention it in the post, both girls and my husband have also shed tears over the wrong choices and attitudes they’ve had in the past and asked my forgiveness. God is taking us all through a season of cleansing, healing and forgiveness for which we’re all thankful. We haven’t arrived by any means, but God’s Spirit is at work, giving us grace to speak the truth in love and forgive deeply from the heart.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Eph 4:15