Fully Alive

     Life is one of the most valuable gifts we’ve been given. God masterfully created each of us in his own image with unique talents, personalities and purpose. His greatest desire is that we find meaning in him so that we’re able to radiate his glory and experience fullness of life. As we daily abide in Christ, we become passionate about investing our lives and using our gifts in a important way that has eternal significance. We’re no longer content to live each day according to the world’s standards or simply for ourselves. Instead, our heart longs for significance and purpose – that God will use us to have an impact on the world.
     While we’re born with little understanding about God’s plans for us, as we mature we develop an increasing sense that we were created for a specific reason to fulfill a calling we’ve been given. God puts this longing within our hearts to do something beyond ourselves for his kingdom. Though sometimes we lose sight of this vision through setbacks and disappointments, deep inside we know we were made for something far greater than mere existence. We may or may not possess what others consider extraordinary talents, but we’ve each been given gifts. As we enter into a personal relationship with God through Christ, he helps us discover and develop these gifts and shows us how we can use them in life transforming ways.
     Imagine that we’re standing before two closed doors and can’t see what lies beyond them. One door has a sign that says, “Your plans and future the way you want it.” The other door reads, “God’s plans and his future for you.” Which one will we choose? The promise of the first door is tempting, because by entering it we think we’ll become the master of our lives and be given the power to make our dreams come true. It offers us the chance to design our lives the way we envision them.  The second door requires a leap of faith, because by entering it we agree to surrender our right to determine our future.  We give our lives over to God in trust and confidence that he’ll guide us down the right path to pursue the dreams and goals he has gifted us to fulfill. He guarantees that though we will have trials, our lives will overflow with a deep sense of purpose, power and love.
     When we choose the first door we become lord of our lives with a focus on how we can control and direct everything. We chase after things we believe will bring satisfaction and happiness, whether it’s money, relationships, power or position. In order accomplish what we want, we devise short and long term goals and pursue them with relentless passion, since attaining these goals is the core of our hope and future. However, the promises of this lifestyle are deceptive. When we reach our dreams apart from a relationship with God, we discover that it’s impossible for them to ever satisfy the deep longing of our hearts. In fact, the more we achieve the more dissatisfied and even miserable we become, because with each success we develop the insatiable desire for more. Life becomes an endless cycle of setting goals, striving to accomplish them and then pursing something bigger and better. On the other hand, when our plans don’t work out like we expected we are often struck with disappointment, frustration and even anger. Whether we succeed or fail at receiving what we think we want, we’re left with emptiness in our soul that magnifies the fact that we were created for something far greater, something much more significant.
     This emptiness often leads us to the second door, where we discover that there is an awesomely good, loving and powerful God who wants to free us from this vicious cycle of self destruction and striving after idols that can never satisfy. He daily calls out to us to put our trust in his Son, Jesus Christ, and stop depending on our own understanding. He says that if we’ll acknowledge him in all our ways, he will direct our paths and fulfill the deep desires of our heart (Prov 3:5-6). But following him comes with a cost. We have to release the plans we’ve so tenaciously held on to in the past and trust him to give us all that’s good for our lives – blessings that will benefit us holistically and bring him glory.
     God says in Jeremiah 29:11 that he knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. This is not a promise for financial prosperity or an easy life but instead a guarantee that God is always working everything (even the small details) for our ultimate good and his glory. As our loving Father, he genuinely cares about us, so much so that he’s numbered the hairs on our head and stores our tears in a bottle. He knows every desire we have, and as a father has compassion on his children so God has compassion on us. Because his love is perfect, he knows exactly what gifts to give us and how to take care of all our needs.
     In a world where we’re told to pursue power, possessions and prestige, we’re faced with challenging decisions about how we’ll invest our lives. Will we follow the dictates of the world, or will we follow God? Will we seek to live life our way, or will we live it God’s way according to his plans? There are two doors, two roads, and two completely different ways of life. The first door often seems like the right one, but the Bible says it ends in misery and eventually death.  The other door leads to life, peace and a future filled with purpose, along with many tests and trials to prove our faith. When we enter this door through trust in Jesus Christ and a surrendered heart, we begin to experience the abundant and eternal life we were created to have. We become fully alive! 

Life is Messy, but God Redeems All Things

 Life is messy, isn’t it? We’re born in a sterile world, greeted with radiant smiles of delight, and immediately given everything we need for life and comfort, if we’re blessed with loving parents. Our own children experience this same miraculous beginning. But we discover within hours that though we’re awestruck by the miracle of their birth, it's going to be a complicated adventure. I’ll never forget the first dirty diaper our older daughter produced and the look on my face when I saw it! As the years passed, laughter was intermingled with tears, fresh smocked dresses often gave way to mud stained pants from hours of play outside. Clean windows soon displayed handprint artwork and face smudges. Fast forward to the teen years when one minute’s excitement almost instantly fades to emotional outbursts of disappointment over some overlapping experience. We discover, not just in the beginning, but all along the journey, that life is both beautiful and messy.

I remember the days leading up the birth of both daughters and all the promises I made to God that I’d do everything I could to protect, provide for and love them, teaching them to adore him with all their hearts. I dove in with great anticipation and a sense of assurance that my parenting would far exceed anything I could imagine -- not because I thought I was invincible, but because someone greater was fueling this desire and longing in my heart. Over the years, I saw God do the miraculous as he took my prayers, transformed them by his power, and developed character, love and hope in our children. It wasn’t easy or clean like I’d imagined; it was complicated and messy, but God was at work nonetheless.

Being a mom has honestly been the most fulfilling and rewarding experience of my life. I’ve said it many times and mean it that if I could go back and parent the girls ten more times I’d joyfully do it -- provided I could turn back the clock and have the same energy I had in the beginning. With each time, I’d likely grow wiser and do a better job in many areas, but as many do overs as I was given I’d never be able to escape the reality that life is messy and complicated and I’ll never be perfect. Living in a redeemed yet broken world means that there will always be interlocking joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, gain and loss, met and unmet needs, life and death. Like two sides of a coin, they remain together.
 

As the girls have grown up and are entering a new phase of life, they’ve opened up and shared with me areas where they’ve had extreme disappointment and even anger because of things I’ve done or not done. I’m honored that they feel the freedom to speak the truth in love to me so that we can grow together and move past the pain. In many ways I’ve needed to ask forgiveness for botched parenting, sin patterns that I ignored or was blind to that negatively impacted them. However, my initial response was defensive anger and shock that they’d consider finding fault with what I worked so hard to do well.  As the anger diminished, I was able to face the truth of what they were saying, which freed me to look back at those snapshots over the years and admit that I was wrong, that I didn’t in many cases do what was wise or right, that even though I did a lot of good, it was mixed with some really bad decisions and actions that hurt my children. This insight gave way to grief, repentance (I pray), and a renewed sense of God’s grace and forgiveness as well as his promise it’s never too late to change.
 

After the worst storm, the sun shines brighter and everything has a fresh new sparkle. That’s what it felt like when these truths, painful ones, were spoken in love. First came the clouds, then the torrential rain. But the story didn’t, doesn’t, stop there. Joy and hope are shining brighter in my heart as I accept the reality that I’ll blow it many more times over the next twenty or so years. I’ll do a lot of things wonderfully well as a mom, but I’ll also miss the mark and bring sorrow into their lives when my intention is the opposite. My hope is no longer in my parenting perfection, but in God’s promise that as I cling to him, walk in in his Spirit and trust him and his promises, he’ll make everything, even my extreme blunders, beautiful in his time.

 Though I didn’t mention it in the post, both girls and my husband have also shed tears over the wrong choices and attitudes they’ve had in the past and asked my forgiveness. God is taking us all through a season of cleansing, healing and forgiveness for which we’re all thankful. We haven’t arrived by any means, but God’s Spirit is at work, giving us grace to speak the truth in love and forgive deeply from the heart.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Eph 4:15

"I Love the Lord Cause He Heard My Voice"

     I’ve been told by some of my family and even my closest friends that I have an “ugly cry.” It’s one where I scrunch up my whole face, turn down the corners of my lips, open my mouth and bawl. I’d never looked at myself in the mirror before when I cried, so I was clueless about what they were talking about. When I finally got the courage to test their theory, I quickly and even shockingly admitted they were right -- my crying was downright ugly!
     That said, I have a Father who daily, hourly “hears my prayers and sees my tears” (2 Kings 20:5). He listens, cares deeply, and works on my behalf at all times. I have a God who loves me no matter what I look like even when I’m crying, regardless of how much I’ve failed or how weak I am. His love is more solid than any mountain and can't be moved or shaken by anything I or anyone else thinks, does or fails to do (Is 54:10). I have the awesome privilege of going to him at any time of the day with fears, requests and even childish demands, with the certainly that he’s always there -- fully present and engaged, rejoicing over me, delighting over my life and finding great joy even in my tears. He knows that while my weeping may last for a night, his joy will come in the morning as I bring my pain to him and trust him to help and bring healing (Ps 30:5).
     I love the Lord because he hears my voice, because he first loved me (1 Jn 4:19), because he guarantees that nothing can come between this bond of love (Rom 8:38-39), and because he promises that his great, amazing, unstoppable love is also eternal -- no matter what (Jer 31:3).

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." (Ps 116:1)