"Apart From Me You Can Do Nothing"

     For the past four weeks I’ve been busy planning for my classes, printing out charts, lists and lesson plans, reviewing grammar and reminding myself of past challenges so that I’m prepared to overcome them this semester. And I’ve been praying – that the Lord will go before me into each classroom and bless my efforts. It’s been me doing the job with the icing of God’s blessing on top – something I rely on, no doubt, in order to succeed.

     Then something happened. I lost my rhythm last week and began feeling like a failure. Maybe it was an unresponsive class or disorganized day, but it left me feeling empty. While I couldn’t put my finger on what caused it, I began acting out what I felt like. Instead of going into the class with confidence that something great was going to happen because God had called me there, I went in expecting nothing, looking at my watch and hoping that the hour would soon end. What had fueled me the week before was zapping my energy now, threatening to drain the life out of me. My job hadn’t changed, the students were the same. God was still with me. But, something had changed in me.

     As I was plugging in the CD player for my sophomore English class this verse came to my mind: “Apart from me you can do nothing.” Just like the CD player, I'm dependent on Christ's power in order to be truly alive and fruitful. I remembered that all my efforts and contributions were never any guarantee of fruit and blessing, but that my confidence has to be grounded in Christ and his ability to work in and through me. Not my gifts, my talents, my charisma, my ability to do a good job with God’s help. But me with nothing, absolutely nothing to give apart from him.  

     With this reminder I felt a fresh surge of joy. God’s goodness and his desire to use my life brings purpose to everything in life, even the dull tasks that I'd otherwise have difficulty enduring. The emptiness that was gnawing at my heart gave way to the expectation that God is at work in and through me. With him, through him, and by his Spirit I can abound in every good work with a sense of power and purpose, bearing much fruit unto his glory.

I hope you'll take a minute to listen to this song by Sara Groves. It's one of my favorites as it deals with this daily struggle to abide in Christ's love rather than living life in my own strength.
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5zkOfSJSn4

When God Hears and Answers

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.”  Is 65:24

 

     In the novel Jane Eyre, Mr. Rochester begins praying to God for Jane to come to him as he’s in a terrible state and needs her comfort. God intervenes and allows Jane, who is many miles away, to hear his voice as if he were present. His distressed call for help so burdens her that the next day she takes off in search of him. As she expects, she finds him in utter despair.  God sends her at just the right time to bring him the comfort he needs to go on. This story emphasizes the fact that God hears our cries and answers them through mysterious ways as he often  mobilizes others to come alongside us with their physical presence and in prayer.
     A similar incident happened to me last week as I lay in bed for hours, coughing and trying to sleep off what seemed to be the flu. Getting sick was likely the result of months of undue stress regarding our future – waiting to find out whether or not we’d stay in Korea or return to the states. The increasing pressure of the decision, together with my illness, caused me to feel almost overwhelmed by the uncertainties that lay ahead.
     Sensing my need for prayer and my own weakness and inability to pray at the time, I began asking the Lord to raise up others to stand in the gap and intercede on my behalf. I just didn’t have the strength to do it. The next day I received an unexpected e-mail from a seminary friend who I hadn’t talked with in over a year. She wrote to say that she couldn’t get me off of her mind for any specific reason, but that the Lord had so placed me there and that she’d been praying intensely for me. I wrote back telling her about my recent prayer and thanking her for responding to God’s nudging and being part of his mercies in my life.
     When other friends at our university heard I was sick, they called to say they were praying, too. At church the following week, a sweet Korean friend rushed up to me when I arrived, saying that she’d had a dream about me. When she woke up she sensed something was wrong and began praying on my behalf. Soon after, she texted me and found out about my sickness and then contacted her community group asking them to pray. While she and I were talking, one of the group members came up to say that she’d been praying daily. I was too overwhelmed to say much but that I was extremely grateful for their love and prayers and that God used them to lift me up during an especially difficult time.
     Interestingly enough, while this was all going on, I was waking up most every morning with a certain friend on my heart and mind. After praying for her throughout the week and thinking about my own prayers for God to send others to help me, I decided to write and make sure that she was doing okay, since I hadn’t heard from her in quite some time. I had no reason to believe she was struggling except that I was overly concerned about her. The next day I received an e-mail from her thanking me for praying. She explained that she was experiencing a terrible crisis in her marriage and that God had been giving her special grace to get through each day.
     I’ve written these accounts not to focus on my answered prayers, but instead to shine the spotlight on God’s love and power as he hears our cries and answers our prayers (2 Kings 20:5). God doesn’t need our permission to display his power, but it’s often when we’ve been asking, seeking, and knocking that he reveals himself in unimaginable ways (Matt 7:7). He wants all his children everywhere to come boldly before his throne and ask him for everything we need (Heb 4:16). 
    When we pray in the Spirit, in the name of Jesus, we’re not performing some kind of meaningless ritual but rather speaking the very power of God into our circumstances. He promises that if we’ll ask, we will receive, as he's longing to show us compassion (Is 30:18). The reason we seldom see the miraculous in our lives is because we're not asking. And often when we do pray for it, we’re asking with the wrong motives so that we can use his blessings for our glory and self-advancement. Selfish requests like these hit a brick wall, because God cannot and will not answer them (James 4:3). But when we ask according to his word he unleashes his power, equipping the saints to action and moving mightily upon our lives and circumstances.  
    I’m learning to watch for this leading of the Spirit and to respond by faithfully praying for those God has burdened me about. I’m asking him to show me friends and family members who are on the brink of giving up or who are carrying a burden that’s too heavy for them to bear alone. And, as I mentioned above, when I’m going through hard times and I don’t know what to pray, I’m learning to ask God to intervene on my behalf.

"I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy." Ps 116:1

 

Why'd You Have to Put the Peas in It?

     I still remember the look on Sarah’s pudgy, four-year-old face as she scrunched up her nose and asked in a tiny voice, “Why’d you have to put the peas in it?” It was my first attempt at shepherd’s pie and the dawn of new revelation – that she knew what she wanted, how she wanted it and she'd found the voice to communicate her desires.  
     Since then, I use that phrase when life throws something my way with an unexpected twist. I find myself asking God this question when I’ve plotted and planned only to discover that the outcome includes elements that weren’t part of the equation. I’d love to take credit for being the first to ever find fault with God’s plans, but Adam and Eve trumped me on that one. In the garden, their message to him in eating the apple was the same one Sarah echoed and the attitude that often spills from my heart. “Why did you have to make it this way?” “Why’d you have to put the peas in it, God?”  They had their own idea of what garden life should look like, complete with no restrictions.
     As I’ve shared in earlier posts, we’ve been traversing deep waters lately, and it just so happens that I’ve been simultaneously struggling with God about the “peas” on my plate. Packing up and moving across the world was a step I agreed to, but I had definite agenda for how the scenes should play out , presuming all along that God was in agreement. As Beth Moore says, I thought God and I shook on the deal, but there was only one hand wagging – and that was mine. The plan was one of ease and success – something I considered a given since I’d made so many sacrifices in coming here.
     When the trials started piling up I sat before God with a scrunched up nose complaining about how he’d worked out my situation. “If you’d just not allowed this….and if that would just would go away…..and if I had a little more of this…..I could be happy and be a better witness.” But the more I complained, the more miserable I became. I’ve been a Christian long enough to know that giving thanks is essential to a joy-filled life and that unless I surrender to God’s will and embrace his plans I’ll become bitter and angry.
     I’d like to downplay the struggle, saying that I just relinquished these dreams and prayed the   Lord ’s Prayer without reserve. But I didn't. Instead, I’ve laid on the floor weeping and sat up in bed in the middle of the night with my head in my hands trying to figure out if there’s any other way besides surrender. I’ve come at the situation from every angle, argued with God using every tactic I can contrive, but still he brings me back to the issue of acceptance. Will I take the plate he’s given me, complete with peas and some other items I find distasteful? Or will I stay in a state of anger toward him, refusing to believe he’s got my best in mind?
     This week everything came to a head as I’ve worn myself out wrestling with God. I’m still not happy about what he's asking me to give up – possibly another two years apart from our daughters. I still wish it could be another way. But, I’ve finally held out my hands and offered up an initial prayer of relinquishment which, for me, went something like this: “Lord, I’m really struggling to accept that this can be your will for me, but I surrender to your wisdom and your sovereign control. Even though I don’t understand it, I’m going to trust you and thank you and follow you because you’re good.”

     It may sound trite or even contrived, but surrendering this situation has been one of the most painful journeys of my Christian life. It’s reminded me again that God never promised me I’d have an easy or comfortable life. He didn't guarantee that he’d give me what I wanted or that he'd stop me from facing those things I dreaded most. His purpose was, and still is, that I am transformed into his image. And this change, unfortunately, can’t happen unless I walk through tumultuous waters and raging fires. No matter how much I try to water it down, the message remains the same – it’s one of hope and a future but also a life of sacrifice and surrender. It’s not for me to pick and choose what’s put on my plate but to trust the one I’ve entrusted my future to – that he means it for my good and his glory.

“For I know the plans I have for you, Nancy, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11