Coming to grips with the
power and majesty of God was integral to my becoming a Christian. Before this
happened, I thought that I was in control of my life -- that I was
the one making my way. When God opened my eyes, the fog cleared and I saw him high
and lifted up, the great God who not only created me but who orders my steps
and has a good plan for my future.
God’s sovereignty brought
comfort, but it also sparked fear in my heart. As an unbeliever I chose my own
way down whatever path appealed to my flesh. Now, I'm following God down the
path that he’s chosen for me which is always a walk of faith. He doesn’t give
me an itinerary for what’s going to happen over my lifetime but guarantees that
he’s good, faithful, powerful, loving and desires only for what’s best for me.
His path isn’t the easiest, but it’s the one that he’s designed to grow me in
Christ-likeness and trust.
These past few weeks our
family has been talking about decisions we’ve made and how they’ve impacted us.
Our daughter has come back to Korea after two years of living at a boarding
school and coming home every two months during breaks. God miraculously opened
a door for her to attend an international school here which before was way out
of our price range. As she thinks back to her years at her school she’s
faced with many questions. It was a tough place for her where she didn’t feel
embraced, where there were more rules than there was acceptance and where she
always felt judged. It left her with a bad taste in her mouth and some anger
toward God about why he allowed it happen.
We’ve come to the
conclusion that we’ll never know why. She grew a lot spiritually and
emotionally while living abroad and at the same time experienced some deep
wounds. The two are undeniably connected. While we’re grateful for the
blessings, we’re praying for healing for those things that have brought so much
pain. And we’re trying to encourage her to let go of the right to understand
why it all happened the way it did and why God didn’t protect her from the
suffering.
On many occasions I've
been perplexed as well. I've cried out for God's wisdom and and ended up in a
fiery furnace instead of the green pasture I'd so longed for. I don’t
understand why. Sometimes God reveals it to us, but other times we just have to
rest and trust in his goodness. I’ve prayed for short periods of time and had
amazing breakthroughs, and at other times I’ve prayed for many years with no
perceived change in my situation. There’s no logical way to understand it.
The bottom line is (if
I'm honest) that God’s plans often leave me mystified. I trust and follow him
because he’s good and trustworthy – not because he’s containable and tameable.
His goodness doesn’t negate the reality that this is a fallen, sinful world
that's impacted every molecule of creation. God has redeemed me and promised to
use (not remove) hardships to grow me, not to destroy me, and to make me into
the image of his Son.
While I can’t figure God
out, I'm can apply his word to these situations and come up with an equation
that’s infallible -- God’s love and power plus
hardships and difficulties always
results in blessings. I can stand on
this unshakable promise that “God causes ALL things to work together for good
for those who love him who are called according to his purpose.” All pain, all
disappointment, all loss, all misfortune, all disaster. No exceptions.
I had somewhat of an
epiphany about this today as Mark and I were climbing nearly two hundred stairs
by the ocean. Since it's the first day of our holiday it was
"supposed" to be a fun outing. But I was having anything but fun. As
I huffed and puffed behind him my mind was swimming with thoughts of what I'd
rather be doing -- sitting on the couch, for one, reading a book and drinking
coffee. And then I thought about how good this exercise, fresh air and sunshine
was for my health. What felt terrible was a blessing and vice versa (couch
potatoes are known to have a shorter life span). Other scenarios flooded my
mind as I realized that so much of life that's good for me doesn't feel so
great when I'm doing it. On the other hand, those things which are often
unhealthy and even lethal give me temporary satisfaction.
Basically, I'm inclined
to think what's easy and enjoyable is what's best for me. But God has greater
wisdom that sees beyond the surface. He loves me too much to let me choose
paths that nurture my flesh and not my spirit. Judging something as good or bad
just because it feels or doesn't feel comfortable makes no sense at all when
applied to everyday life, so why should I apply the same faulty logic to the
bigger issues? God is God and I'm not. Because he knows what's right for me I
can trust and thank him in all situations, not because I enjoy suffering
and pain, but because I know that "he's at work in me" and he loves
me with a pure, reliable and perfect love -- one that will never fail!
