When Everything and Nothing Changes

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is found in John 21, when Jesus returns in His resurrected body to where Peter and the disciples have been fishing all night in the Sea of Galilee, and have caught nothing. He’s come to call them to discipleship and to reveal that He’s the living, miracle working God – just as He promised. A few years earlier, something similar happened. After fishing all night with no results, Peter and the disciples followed Jesus’ instruction to cast the nets again—and caught an abundance of fish along with an understanding of Jesus’ identity as Lord and God. It was also here that Jesus first called Peter to discipleship.

These two stories form an inclusio over Peter’s life and are connected by the truth that our position and calling in Christ are based on His righteousness and sovereign plans – not our own. Though Peter’s sin threatened to block him from a relationship with the sinless Savior and his failure in denying Christ seemed to disqualify him from his new identity in union with the Lord, he remained who God declared him to be – His forgiven, beloved, chosen son who was called to be much more than a fisherman.

The first catch

Fresh on the boat and in a new relationship with the disciples, Jesus encouraged them in Luke 5 to cast their nets even lower after a very long night of catching nothing. They respond that they’ve already tried everything, but that because it’s Him asking they will do it. As they trust and obey His command that goes against human reason, they not only catch a few fish, but the catch is so enormous that both boats almost sink.

While they were all amazed at the power God displayed in this miracle, we get a glimpse of Peter’s awestruck vision in seeing Jesus as Lord. He realizes that Jesus is completely different from himself, even though they both have human bodies and look very similar on the outside. And his response is one of shame and the need for separation as he says, “Get away from me. I’m an unclean man.”

Interestingly, Jesus does not respond in agreement, which He could have justifiably done since what Peter said was completely right — he was an unclean man, a sinner who deserved to die. But Jesus wanted him to see beyond his identity in union with Adam to his new identity in union with Christ that would come with regeneration. Peter, He said, “You’re going to be a fisher of men.” He calls that which is not yet as if it were, exactly like God did with Abraham, calling him the Father of many nations when he had not yet had a son. Jesus was pointing his gaze to the greater reality of redemption, where Peter would be transformed from a man who was dead in his sins and made alive in the very righteousness of Christ -- to live for the glory of God and the advancement of His kingdom (2 Corinthians 5:15).

The second catch

As we fast forward to John 21, it looks like everything has changed, since Peter has denied Christ three times. This fulfilled another solemn word the Lord had spoken over him, reminding him even more of his need for the cleansing, healing blood of his Savior. After his denial and Christ’s crucifixion, a great silence loomed over his life — one that left him feeling shamed and disgraced. After all, he had done the very thing he swore he would never do, opening his mind to the accusation that he was destined to be the man of unclean lips and hands who was unworthy of any service to the Lord.

Again, Jesus responded with hope -- though not denying his sin and failure. He saw Peter as one who now had a new identity, just as He had prophesied in John 5. He looked past the sinful patterns and the tendency to make impulsive decisions, past the unstable sin nature that had characterized this fisherman all his life and instead saw a shepherd -- one he entrusted to care for his flock.

In beautiful parallelism, Jesus arrives once again on the fishing scene — this time some distance from the boat where Peter and the disciples were fishing. Like before, they had fished all night and caught nothing. And just as He had done before, Jesus called out with instructions for them to try catching the fish on the other side. Once again, they listened, trusted and obeyed, which resulted in an overflow of catch from the net (John 21:6). And like before, but perhaps in the most climactic way imaginable, Peter’s spiritual eyes were opened to see that this was the same living Christ he had encountered on the boat years before. In a bold demonstration of hope, he threw himself into the water and rushed to meet the Lord – running toward His grace.

Restored to his true identity

In my opinion, this is one of the most beautiful illustrations of our unshakable new identity in Christ in the New Testament. Though everything in Peter’s life was shifting, he learned that he was eternally joined to the living Lord so that nothing – even his worst failures – could tear him out of His love (Romans 8:28).

Like Peter, every believer in Christ heard His call to discipleship and has heeded the call to follow Him. At this moment of surrender and trust, our lives were transformed, and we were transferred from our union with Adam to union with Christ-- eternally joined to the Lord in His death and resurrection. We became a new creation by His life-giving, indwelling Holy Spirit. Then sadly, along the way, like Peter and all believers, we also sinned and experienced failures and disappointments. Some of us lost important battles that began to redefine us – not as victors in union with the Lord but as those who had failed and done the very things we said we would never do.

Thankfully, the Lord beckons us to remember who we truly are and to return to Him – running toward His grace. He reminds us through Peter’s life to leave behind defeat, disappointment, and the lies that we’ve been disqualified—and return to the One who promised: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1). He assures us when we doubt this could be true: “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to bear much fruit...” (John 15:16). And He guarantees: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). When Jesus declared us His sons and daughters, that promise was sealed by His blood (Hebrews 10:19–22), through His Spirit (Ephesians 1:13–14). Not only so, He vowed to finish the good work of redemption He began in us (Philippians 1:6), so that “those He…called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified” (Romans 8:30).

Even now, the risen Christ is making intercession for us and sustaining us by His power (Hebrews 7:25). Through every tangled thread of sin, discouragement and failure, He declares the greater reality that we are now, at this very moment, His beloved children who have been made fishers of men (1 John 3:2). And because of our vital, unmovable union with Christ He assures us that “Nothing will ever separate [us] from [His] love.” (Romans 8:38–39).

Better Plans than My Own

Six months after becoming a Christian, the Lord began calling me to missions and seminary. I knew little about hearing from God or discerning his leading, but he clearly showed me that my career in advertising was ending. At the end of work one day, once all my ads had been turned in, I sat down and wrote this poem the Lord had placed on my heart.

My life before salvation was built on chasing my own dreams and plans, which led to deep frustration and anxiety, because I couldn’t make life happen as I wanted. I watched as others seemed to achieve similar goals with little effort and wondered what was wrong. As I started reading the Bible, I began to learn about God’s sovereignty. Though I wasn’t familiar with the term, the Spirit started to reveal to me that He, not I or anyone else, was in control of every detail -- from the falling of the tiniest sparrow to the ground to the rising of leaders and nations (Matthew 10:29; Proverbs 21:1; Job 12:23).

This week, as I've been reflecting on expectations I've had for the Christian life (some of which haven’t come true as I’d hoped), this poem has reminded me that everything happens on God’s timeline and according to His plan. While He wants me to work diligently, set realistic goals, and prepare for the future, He also calls me to surrender all of my life to Him -- holding my dreams loosely. He is the all-wise God who determines my steps (Proverbs 16:9). 

As I'm remembering this, I'm refocusing my gaze on this eternal truth: I have a good, sovereign Father who knows best and who goes before me to order my steps. I’m encouraged to rest in His unchanging love and faithfulness and release my grip on some expectations. This frees my hands to receive His gifts in His perfect timing and releases my heart to anticipate the good He has for me so that I can enjoy Him (James 1:17). 

God's Awesome Gift of Time

Who can make the sun shine

or cause the wind to blow,

or even change his brother’s mind

about things he doesn’t know.

Who can search God’s wisdom

or begin to see his thoughts.

And where’s the man who understands

His awesome list of oughts.

How can I then by worrying

change one thing in this world.

And what’s the use of scurrying

when his plans have not unfurled.

I cannot make tomorrow’s dreams

arise to life today,

as I cannot turn a baby’s screams

into words that grown-ups say.

The world is set on godly time,

and things happen at His pace,

I’m simply here to live it out

and humbly run the race.

By struggling to the left and right

When God says “Just be still”

I cause myself a lot of doubt

And compromise His will.

So now that I have understood

God’s awesome gift of time,

I’ll press on toward my heavenly goal

and enjoy all that’s mine… today.

Down, But Not Out!

The apostle Paul and King David had more in common than meets the eye. Both were key leaders in God’s plan of redemption. They both shared deep, spiritual insights, underwent a radical transformation, and then suffered greatly for the Kingdom of God. Paul and David also both used warrior imagery to describe their lives in the Kingdom of God, with Paul referring to himself and other believers as soldiers who needed to put on the whole armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18), and mentioning believers as “fellow soldiers” (Philippians 2:25) and “good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:3–4). He described the spiritual battle with words like “waging war” and “destroying strongholds” (2 Corinthians 10:3–6).

In a similar way, David wrote about warfare and the need for endurance. He declared that God was the one who trained his hands for war (Psalm 144:1), and with God’s help, he could advance against a troop (Psalm 18:29). Paul’s writings tended to focus more on the spiritual battle as the cause of the opposition he was experiencing, as seen in 2 Corinthians 10:3–4: “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh.” In a similar way, David knew the ultimate cause behind war and hardship was the evil human heart that was present because of the Serpent’s temptation in the garden (Genesis 3). Though he did not specifically address Satan and his demons, he wrote about the wicked and their schemes to destroy (Psalms 10, 52), accusers (Psalm 109), and the darkness of the human heart (Psalm 51).

Both men learned to be strong in the Lord through the Spirit’s disciplines of prayer and meditation on the Word, and yet both experienced life-threatening blows that knocked them down. Paul was beaten, imprisoned, shipwrecked, stoned (2 Corinthians 11:23–28), and constantly persecuted for preaching the Gospel. David was hunted down, mocked, and betrayed repeatedly – even by his own family. Like Paul, he was in danger “from bandits, in danger from [his] fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country…and in danger from false believers” (2 Corinthians 11:26).

Yet, as many times as both men were knocked down, they were not knocked out. Paul described this miraculous and supernatural ability to remain in the good fight of faith clearly in 2 Corinthians 4:8–9, saying, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” Though David was looking forward in faith to the coming of Christ, and Paul was looking back to his finished work on the cross, both men found their strength in the Spirit of the Lord. They both carried around in their body the death of Christ, so that the life of Christ would be revealed in them (2 Corinthians 4:10).

Struck down, but not destroyed

Though Paul and David were giants of the faith, I have learned that the spiritual battles I face often knock me down in similar ways—on a much smaller scale, of course. Throughout 37 years as a Christ follower, I’ve faced many battles – some much more intense than others. The most difficult by far were the first few years as a believer when God was completely redirecting my steps and path from the pursuit of fleshly goals to the purposes and plans He had for me. This involved radical changes in my career, friendships, and how I spent my time and money. Because my new life in Christ was so drastically different from my old life in Adam, and I had a fresh zeal to share the Gospel wherever I went, I was often opposed by others and mocked for my faith. And because I did not have someone to weekly disciple me in the reality of the spiritual battle, I became very discouraged and depressed, thinking it was an unnatural phenomenon.

Other seasons involved persecution in ministry, difficulties in my family and marriage, and health issues. During some of these times, I began to get battle-weary and shrink back in fear. The spiritual war became so severe I wanted to move from the middle to the rear lines, and better yet, back to camp, where I could get some sleep and only hear news from the battlefield.

Welcome to Battlefield!

I’ll never forget the day three years ago when, after long hours of driving from Phoenix, we finally arrived at our new home… in Battlefield, MO. My husband and I had been studying and writing about the spiritual battle, and this was a topic that I often taught about in my classes. To live in an actual city with the name “Battlefield” felt apropos, since this seemed to be a major developing theme in our lives and our new mission work in the Middle East. I smiled to myself as I studied the sign and thought how awesome this was. At the same time, I had a deep sense in my spirit that the name was there as a gift from God to remind me of something I tended to forget, especially living in a comfortable home in a quiet, peaceful neighborhood—that I was in the midst of an epic spiritual battle and needed to stand strong in his gifted armor. 

After three months in our new home and mission training trips to South Africa and Sulaymaniyah, Iraq, the spiritual battle heated up like never before in my life. I joked and said that I now felt like I had a bull’s eye on my back, which seemed even more true when I injured a disc and was homebound for several months. I then went through a series of physical hardships that spanned over two years, culminating in a drug-resistant infection that weakened my immune system and left me homebound again – this time for five months. Much of our savings was exhausted on medical bills, we lost significant financing for our trips, and it was clear we had been knocked down. I no longer thought about going on mission trips or sharing the Gospel—or doing anything that could bring hardship or persecution. Instead, I began finding ways to avoid the battle and hide out at home, where I felt safe. My prayers went from the offensive to the defensive, asking God to protect me and keep me from all harm, rather than asking for ways to go out in His Gospel peace.

Like waking up from a dream, the Spirit has been reminding me through the Word of the need to get back up again so that I can continue fighting the good fight of faith. He is encouraging me with promises about the purpose of my life here—to live for His glory, to lose my life in building His kingdom—rather than loving it and trying to preserve it (Matthew 16:25). It’s been a slow journey back to the battleground, where I’m facing fears of the troubles that lie ahead, having vivid memories of some of the suffering and losses, and often tempted to turn back and run for cover. But God is helping me to move forward slowly each day as I count the cost of what it means to lay down my life for the Gospel.

There is a great certainty that I will get knocked down repeatedly, but God assures me by His Word that though I may go down, I will not go out—nothing can separate me from His love, which has been poured out in my heart by the Holy Spirit. And no one can snatch me from His hand (Romans 5:5, 8:38-39; John 10:28-30). I may experience a myriad of losses, but God promises that He is with me to help me to stand firm until the end—the day He has foreordained that I come to be with Him forever.” In Isaiah 41:10 he declares, “I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). 

Until then, I will keep fighting—not in my own strength, but in the strength of His might and in the very armor of Christ that he wore when he came down to rescue and redeem his people and destroy the power of sin, death and Satan. Like Paul and David, he promises to train my hands for battle and lead me in triumph: “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests in us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of him in every place" (2 Corinthians 2:14). And when I fall, I will get back up again -- because “The one who calls [me] is faithful, and he will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).