Standing on God's Promises

“When you walk through the waters, I will be with you; and when you go through the fire the flames will not set you ablaze.” Is 43:2

      I’ve found myself in the middle of tumultuous waters these past six months. As one wave passes and the atmosphere calms, another begins cresting in the distance mounting with what seems to be supernatural force. This unrelenting pattern has played out week after week as I’ve attempted to plant my feet on the rock and claim this promise – that God is with me and I won’t be drowned. But the daily challenge is learning to face down feelings which are diametrically opposed to what God says about my situation. I’m discovering that there’s no place for middle ground in this battle. I’m either trusting in God’s promises and fighting the lies, or lying on the ground having been beaten up by them.
      As Joshua was looking over the horizon at the stormy waters that awaited the Israelites in Canaan, God commanded him, “Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you may go.” Jos 1:9. In the past, I’ve prayed this passage with a pleading request that God wouldn’t allow me to feel terrified or discouraged – that he’d either anesthetize my feelings or, better yet, take them away. Throughout whatever trial I was in I’d repeat the verse over and over -- often with intense frustration as I continued to experience terrifying feelings.
      When I entered this storm, I looked with dread at this verse which hadn't seemed to work for me. But something happened as I was re-reading the passage, and I saw for the first time a two letter word I’d never noticed before – be. God’s encouragement to Joshua was not to be terrified or discouraged or rather not to live like and act like a person who is ruled by these feelings. Why? Because of the certain fact that the mighty God of the universe was with him.
      In the same way, he was saying to me that because of who he is, what he’s done for me, and my secure position in Christ, I’m not to walk, talk and live like one who is ruled by fear. I, like Joshua, am forever united to God through Christ, with the Holy Spirit indwelling me and God’s angels surrounding me to minister to my needs. I’m not alone. I’m “more than a conqueror through him.” I may feel like anything but that – isolated, overwhelmed or discouraged. But these waves of feelings don’t change the certainty that I belong to God and am forever in his care. My security is a fact that cannot be moved or removed no matter how great the trouble I’m facing.
      I’ve allowed my feelings many times to dictate my actions thinking that it’s natural to do so. But God says that where my feelings run contrary to his Word I can relax and know that they are not the measure of what’s real in my life. With this insight, I began praying through this verse in a different way, giving freedom to my emotions at certain points to peak and crest with the trial, but resolving that in Christ I am NOT one who is terrified or discouraged.
      Corrie Ten Boom gives a great example of how feelings eventually change once we’ve taken steps of obedience. She uses the illustration of a steeple bell which when pulled a few times, continues chiming, even after the rope has been released. Though it takes time for the ringing to cease, eventually the bell will stop and follow the action which has been taken. The same is true, she argues, for us as we learn to walk by faith and not by our feelings with regard to everything from forgiveness to other trials in life. If we wait until we feel like it to trust and obey God’s Word we may remain in our state of fear and indecision. Likewise, if we allow our feelings to define the power and efficacy of God’s Word, we’ll often be deceived into thinking that his promises are impotent.
       God promises his presence in our lives. Not only that, but he goes ahead of us into future trials and uncertainties. The enemies that threaten to defeat us have already been destroyed by him at the cross, and the battle that’s waging has already been won. As his sons and daughters, our value and significance are immeasurable, and God guarantees that nothing, not even tumultuous storms or emotions, will ever be able to come between us and his love. He assures us that his power is mightily at work in us to “will and to act according to his good pleasure” even when we don’t see it, sense it or feel it. And ultimately we have the promise that he’s working every trial and hardship for our good and his glory. We have this certain victory in Christ, and by faith we can rest upon it.

“Feelings come and feelings go,
And feelings are deceiving;
My warrant is the Word of God--
Naught else is worth believing.

Though all my heart should feel condemned
For want of some sweet token,
There is One greater than my heart
Whose Word cannot be broken.

I'll trust in God's unchanging Word
Till soul and body sever,
For, though all things shall pass away,
HIS WORD SHALL STAND FOREVER!”

Martin Luther

Forgiveness

     We’ve been talking about forgiveness in my sophomore English class this week. As we’ve muddled through such issues as forgiving repeat offenses and releasing  others from our anger, I’ve unfortunately come to the realization that there are people in my life right now I haven’t forgiven. I’m learning that it’s one thing to teach and talk about forgiving and quite another to put into practice.

     My mom shared a similar sentiment over Skype this week. She’s been studying a book about forgiveness in her Sunday school class for “who knows how long” she said. We talked about how satisfying it is to study forgiveness, to analyze and dissect it, but when it comes to taking the step of faith to release someone from our grip of anger many of us are at a stalemate!

     Thankfully, God’s relentless pursuit of holiness has kept me from escaping into my insistence for retaliation, or worse yet, denial. As I’ve hidden out in quiet corners hoping to veil my anger from his gaze the Spirit’s presence has become almost unbearable.  I’ve been faced with a choice -- the same one that I so boldly laid before my students.  Either I can forgive as I’ve been forgiven, and release my anger and vengeance to the Lord. Or I can hold onto it with gripped fists, demanding retribution and blocking the joy God so graciously wants me to experience.

     Like most people I’ve been hurt beyond my own ability to forgive. With life and love come offenses that have left me feeling anything but whole – cutting words, forgotten promises and blatant lies. From the lesser to the greater they’ve done their work on my heart, leaving me feeling vulnerable and afraid to trust again. Somehow I convince myself that by holding onto the bitterness I’m getting adequate payback for what someone’s done. But reality has it that I’m the main casualty in my decision to grasp onto anger.

     Forgiveness is costly. It’s costing me my pride and my right to get even. As God’s child I’m commanded to step out in faith and release my anger and bitterness, entrusting my offenders to God’s gracious, yet perfect, discipline.  This involves trusting that he knows exactly what he’s doing and that he’ll be faithful to deal with those who’ve hurt me in a way that is loving and just.  Choosing to forgive is risky, no doubt, but the alternative is deadly and certain.  I’m reminded of this verse on many occasions when I think I have the right to cling to bitterness and withhold forgiveness. Ouch!

“If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.”  1 John 4:20 

For Our Good and His Glory

     Coming to grips with the power and majesty of God was integral to my becoming a Christian. Before this happened, I thought that I was in control of my life -- that I was the one making my way. When God opened my eyes, the fog cleared and I saw him high and lifted up, the great God who not only created me but who orders my steps and has a good plan for my future.

     God’s sovereignty brought comfort, but it also sparked fear in my heart. As an unbeliever I chose my own way down whatever path appealed to my flesh. Now, I'm following God down the path that he’s chosen for me which is always a walk of faith. He doesn’t give me an itinerary for what’s going to happen over my lifetime but guarantees that he’s good, faithful, powerful, loving and desires only for what’s best for me. His path isn’t the easiest, but it’s the one that he’s designed to grow me in Christ-likeness and trust.

     These past few weeks our family has been talking about decisions we’ve made and how they’ve impacted us. Our daughter has come back to Korea after two years of living at a boarding school and coming home every two months during breaks. God miraculously opened a door for her to attend an international school here which before was way out of our price range. As she thinks back to her years at her school she’s faced with many questions. It was a tough place for her where she didn’t feel embraced, where there were more rules than there was acceptance and where she always felt judged. It left her with a bad taste in her mouth and some anger toward God about why he allowed it happen.

     We’ve come to the conclusion that we’ll never know why. She grew a lot spiritually and emotionally while living abroad and at the same time experienced some deep wounds. The two are undeniably connected. While we’re grateful for the blessings, we’re praying for healing for those things that have brought so much pain. And we’re trying to encourage her to let go of the right to understand why it all happened the way it did and why God didn’t protect her from the suffering.

     On many occasions I've been perplexed as well. I've cried out for God's wisdom and and ended up in a fiery furnace instead of the green pasture I'd so longed for. I don’t understand why. Sometimes God reveals it to us, but other times we just have to rest and trust in his goodness. I’ve prayed for short periods of time and had amazing breakthroughs, and at other times I’ve prayed for many years with no perceived change in my situation. There’s no logical way to understand it.

     The bottom line is (if I'm honest) that God’s plans often leave me mystified. I trust and follow him because he’s good and trustworthy – not because he’s containable and tameable. His goodness doesn’t negate the reality that this is a fallen, sinful world that's impacted every molecule of creation. God has redeemed me and promised to use (not remove) hardships to grow me, not to destroy me, and to make me into the image of his Son.

     While I can’t figure God out, I'm can apply his word to these situations and come up with an equation that’s infallible -- God’s love and power plus hardships and difficulties always results in blessings. I can stand on this unshakable promise that “God causes ALL things to work together for good for those who love him who are called according to his purpose.” All pain, all disappointment, all loss, all misfortune, all disaster. No exceptions.

     I had somewhat of an epiphany about this today as Mark and I were climbing nearly two hundred stairs by the ocean. Since it's the first day of our holiday it was "supposed" to be a fun outing. But I was having anything but fun. As I huffed and puffed behind him my mind was swimming with thoughts of what I'd rather be doing -- sitting on the couch, for one, reading a book and drinking coffee. And then I thought about how good this exercise, fresh air and sunshine was for my health. What felt terrible was a blessing and vice versa (couch potatoes are known to have a shorter life span). Other scenarios flooded my mind as I realized that so much of life that's good for me doesn't feel so great when I'm doing it. On the other hand, those things which are often unhealthy and even lethal give me temporary satisfaction.

     Basically, I'm inclined to think what's easy and enjoyable is what's best for me. But God has greater wisdom that sees beyond the surface. He loves me too much to let me choose paths that nurture my flesh and not my spirit. Judging something as good or bad just because it feels or doesn't feel comfortable makes no sense at all when applied to everyday life, so why should I apply the same faulty logic to the bigger issues? God is God and I'm not. Because he knows what's right for me I can trust and thank him in all situations, not because I enjoy suffering and pain, but because I know that "he's at work in me" and he loves me with a pure, reliable and perfect love -- one that will never fail!

 One of my favorite reminders of his amazing love!                               http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suMhQ3ETCyI

He Withholds No Good Thing From Us

“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Gal 1:10

     I received my end of semester reviews which were down some from the previous semester. In mulling over any changes I might have made, the only one that struck me was that I’d started sharing my faith along with Scripture at the beginning of class. Though I can’t be certain that this impacted anyone negatively, it struck fear in my heart – fear that somehow people wouldn’t like me because of the gospel. I sat in my office counting the cost and thinking over the alternatives. I could choose to leave God out of my teaching and no one would say a word. It would just be my little secret.
     Even though we’re a Christian university, we admit many non-Christian students. One of my increasing burdens this year has been the need to share Christ with them, not just in deed but in word. This was a huge step of faith as the Holy Spirit helped me to overcome fear of rejection, persecution and even worse – failure. But remaining silent, when God clearly showed me that I was here for reasons beyond teaching English, was no longer an option. With wobbly knees and a pounding heart, I made my journey out of the fear and into the freedom Christ had purchased for me – freedom and joy to proclaim the Good News without feeling ashamed of it in any way, freedom to speak the truth in love even if it means saying something others don’t want to hear.
     But like most people on this planet, I want people to like me. I really enjoy the warmth of knowing that others find me acceptable. As I sat alone in my office trying to justify my decision to leave God out of the classroom, Galatians 1:10 came to my mind, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 
     I knew immediately what I had to do. It was a moment of surrender – one of those I experience when faced with a myriad of choices that run contrary to God’s will. I reluctantly held out my hands and offered up to him my reputation, my right to be liked, my intense longing to be successful. Like the apple in the garden, these desires gave promises that they couldn't deliver – worse yet, promises that would leave me feeling empty and grieved. In their place, I took the promises of God that he’s for me, that he withholds no good thing from me, and that by seeking him first I’m guaranteed the kind of blessings that benefit my soul and others. By seeking first his kingdom and righteousness he says that all the other necessary things will be given to me as well. It appears on the surface like suicide -- to risk everything the world defines as success in order to follow God and submit to his truth. But underneath is the Spirit's testimony regarding God's word that it's true and reliable. Once again, by faith and by his grace, I'm stepping out on the water and believing God. 

Walking in the Spirit

     Change. It’s not easy to implement or endure, especially as we get older. But God calls us daily to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, which means not just learning new truths but applying them. This, of course, involves change. I’ve gone through long periods of stunted growth where it appears I’m stuck in certain sin patterns unable to break free. But the reality is that if I’m in Christ, the old is gone and I’ve been made new. I’m no longer a slave to the things of the past but free to live in the newness of life that Christ has bought for me.
     It’s sad when as Christians we look and act so much like the world that it’s hard to tell the difference. We often view our sanctification as something that simply happens without much effort-- kind of like a magic pill that transforms us.  But God doesn’t force spiritual growth on us, and it only comes through surrender and obedience. By faith, we daily choose to live and walk in the Spirit as we apply God’s word to our world and thinking
     Each day is a journey involving dozens of crossroads. As we reach each one, we’re faced with a decision about how to respond. Do we return good for evil or evil for evil?  Do we choose to be a servant or to be served, to be honest or to lie, to forgive or hold a grudge? The list is endless. Though we can’t obey without God’s help, we also can’t expect him to possess us and force us to make the right choices. He wants to direct our steps and give us wisdom in all we do, but we’ll only have it as we’re asking for it and submitting to his leading.
     Every day, every hour, every minute, in fact, we have choices. We can decide to surrender and follow God’s leading or to be in control and do what our flesh desires. It may seem like there aren’t severe consequences to many of our small choices, but together they form the framework of our lives. Weeks pass into months which, before we know it, become years. The life choices we make on a daily basis develop into the spiritual or fleshly patterns of our lives.
     These sin patterns don’t appear overnight, and they’re not usually broken overnight either. There are several areas in my life right now that I know need to be surrendered afresh to God. As I’ve been yielding my will to his and asking for wisdom to grow and change, I’m sometimes disappointed by my slow progress. At times it’s one step forward and three steps back. The temptation is to give up and go back to the old way of doing things, the old way of thinking, because it’s familiar and easy. But the Spirit continues to remind me that he’s come so that I can be truly free. Walking and living in that freedom involves struggle that eventually gives way to fruit. The more I walk in the Spirit and resist the pull of the flesh, the more fruit my life will bear and the more joy and peace I’ll experience.
     I’m praying again this morning that I’ll choose faith over fear today, kindness over anger, a genuine life over insincerity, that I’ll speak the truth in love. Because God is at work in me giving me these desires I can trust him for the power to resist temptation and to choose a life of love in Christ. You can too!
     “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Gal 5:16

Pray and Don't Give Up

    God says that we should keep praying and not give up. It’s all too easy to quit when the road is uphill and there’s no relief in sight. It’s often tempting to throw in the towel, to doubt God’s willingness or ability to intervene and go on with life as best we can. But God says, “No.” He wants us to persevere with absolute certainty in his goodness and power. Though we can’t always discern how he'll answer, we can relax in the guarantee that he will answer.
     I’ve started a new prayer journal that’s different from ones I’ve had in the past. In this one, I’m recording answered prayers on three different levels: those that have been answered in a day or week, those that have been answered after a year and those that have come to fruition after five or more years of prayer. I got this idea from one of the great missionaries who kept a journal of all his answered prayers.
     One of the first things that struck me when I started recording the answered prayers for the week was just how many things God had provided that I’d prayed about. Nothing is too small or big to take to him in prayer and nothing is a coincidence when it works out for our good and his glory. As I looked over the list I realized how much of my daily victories I take for granted -- like returning good for evil when someone attacks me with words or having the strength I need to accomplish a task way out of my comfort zone. On a larger scale, I saw so many answers to prayers that I prayed for many years like marriage, children, ministry opportunities, healing and financial provision.
     The parable of the unjust judge challenges me time and again to keep on praying even when I want to quit. If the judge, though only human and evil, responded to the pressing requests of the persistent widow,  how much more will our loving heavenly Father graciously answer us when we cry out to him. Unlike the judge, God doesn’t need to be persuaded to do us good, but rather he often tests us to see if we’re going to relentlessly cling to his promises, allowing them to dictate truth rather than our circumstances. He doesn’t delay in answering to tease or torture us but to grow and strengthen our faith so that we may be “mature and complete lacking in nothing.” Because he’s the God of all wisdom and power, he’s able to use our answered prayers for purposes beyond human understanding. Many times we think that our personal struggles are only about us when in fact they have a ripple effect that affects multitudes. Through his kindness and love in answering our prayers we’re brought to repentance for unbelief and our faith is strengthened, we grow in grace and knowledge of his love, others see his power and love and put their hope in him, advancing his kingdom and giving him the glory due his name.
     I don’t know what you’re praying about right now, but I have short and long term prayers that press on me daily. They include everything from practical needs to extremely complicated and urgent ones. There are days and weeks when I grow weary in standing upon the Word and asking God to answer. But God always eventually brings me back to this lesson of perseverance. I may go to my grave, like Abraham, never having realized certain prayers for loved ones or even for myself. But by his grace and the power of his Spirit I will persevere in asking, seeking and knocking.
            God is at work. He is faithful, powerful and loving. He knows the who, what, where, when and why of every one of my prayers and he’ll answer them at the right time – not a second too early or late. The question is not whether he’ll be faithful to do all that he’s promised, but if I’ll be faithful to persevere in faith and trust.

“I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” Lk 18:8

God's Got This!

^“ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” Rom. 8:26-27

     I’m relying on the truth of this promise right now. A friend called to say that she has no hope for living and isn’t even certain that she’s a child of God. She’s lost the will to go on. Her reason? God doesn’t seem present or real and has allowed her to repeatedly go through humiliating and difficult situations. She cries out for deliverance, but he seems silent and she can’t feel his presence.
     We can all relate to some degree. We enter into a relationship with our creator and expect him to take charge of our lives in a way that we can understand. But he works in mysterious ways which are often beyond our comprehension. We hit an impasse and don’t know how to pray or what to pray for in our struggle. But he assures us that the Spirit, who lives within our earthen vessels, knows everything about us and is able to pray for us “in accordance with the will of God.”
     At this very moment, if we’re children of God, the Spirit of Life is interceding for us. He knows the perfect will of God for our lives and is able to pray effectively toward that end. As my sister-in-law likes to say, “God’s got this!” He’s in control even when we feel out of control, confused and don’t know how to pray. Jesus, our great high priest, is also interceding for us as he sits at the right hand of the Father.
     I’ve been so anxious lately about our future, what we’ll do when we leave Korea, how God will provide for our family’s needs. As I sit down each morning to pray I find it increasingly difficult to voice my burdens to God. I know they’re present because I feel the weight of them, but I’ve buried them so deep I’m not sure exactly what’s wrong.
     Reading over this verse again today reminds me that I don’t have to understand all that I’m thinking and feeling. My comfort lies in the fact that God knows, and the Spirit has been interceding for me all along. He’s not surprised or overwhelmed. He’s aware of everything that I’m experiencing, of all I want and need and of everything he intends to accomplish in my life. And he knows and understands all that my friend is going through as well. He's not forgotten her or left her to fin for herself.
     I could sit for hours and “navel gaze”, trying to figure out why God is or isn't doing this or that and what I can possibly do or not do to change it. Instead I’ve decided to be at rest in my unrest, relying on the finished work of Christ and his guarantee that he’s not only called me out of darkness and declared me righteous, but that he’s able to sanctify me and one day bring me to glory. The Spirit and the Son are interceding on my behalf, praying that God’s Kingdom come in my life, that his will be done. Just as the clouds don’t diminish the authenticity and power of the sun, my circumstances and feelings have nothing to do with the reality of his presence and the certainty that his promises will prevail. I may not feel it, sense it or even see it, but God’s at work and he’s got this…..guaranteed.

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Num 23:19

He's Greater Than All Our Struggles

     Trials are a part of daily life that we can’t avoid in spite of ingenuity and planning. They’re intertwined with those things we consider blessings and connected in such a way that there’s no way to remove them. The only way out is through them.

     God says that when we pass through fiery trials we'll not be burned. And when we walk through deep waters they won't overtake us. "I will be with you," he says (Is 43:3). He's in no way indifferent toward us, but perfectly loves us, saying that we're "precious and honored in his sight." He’s jealously upholding us with his "righteous right hand" so that no one and nothing can come between us.
     The great God of the universe who spoke every molecule and atom into existence said that he will fulfill everything in his word. Because of his character, he’s unable to break even one of his promises, no matter how small. When Jesus died on the cross and rose again from the grave, he became the "Amen" to every single one of the promises of God. As we come to God in Christ we have absolute certainty that God will fulfill all he’s said he will do.

     The enemy of our souls enters the scene and tries to destroy all that God has accomplished, to discourage and defeat us with fear. But God says that we’re not defeated, we’re “more than conquerors in Christ Jesus.” The enemy says that we’re alone, but God says that he’s with us forever, “even to the end of the age.” The enemy lies and tries to get us to give up on God’s deliverance and power, but God says that "no weapon formed against us will prevail.” He wants to keep us from praying and engage us in constant fretting, but God says, “do not be anxious about anything. Instead pray about everything.”

     Satan tries to convince us to that we’re orphans, not sons and daughters of the king. He wants us to envision ourselves as helpless wanderers, not warriors who’ve been given all the riches in Christ Jesus. He sends forth storms, lies, sickness, mockers – anything and anyone he can use to undermine the work of the Spirit in our lives. Because once he’s convinced us that we’re useless, powerless, alone and defeated he can immobilize us and stop us from living our lives to the glory of God.

     Our God will (not may or might) but most certainly will supply everything we need. He’s not ever going to leave us, even for a millisecond. He’s placed his Spirit within our hearts to help us, to guide us, to forever unite us with himself. Nothing can separate us from this love.

      Remaining focused on Christ instead of difficulties is essential to walking by faith. This doesn't mean living in denial or trying to wish away our struggles. God calls us to face hardships head on, to  acknowledge their existence, to ask for wisdom about how to respond and then through his power and grace to take action. Sometimes the action he requires is patient waiting as he resolves problems that no one else can comprehend. Regardless of our situation, he wants us to know that he delights in rescuing and delivering us from the fowler’s snare and the deadly pestilence. He’s our Father and our King. Our Savior and our Lord. He'll continue watching over us and, with unimaginable generosity, supply in abundance all the courage, strength, wisdom and resources that we need. How can we be certain? Because his promises are all guaranteed.

"For no matter how many promises God has made, they are "Yes" in Christ. And so through him the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God." 2 Cor 1:20

God and the "Small Stuff"

   I’m sitting in bed looking at four panels of pinned together curtains that not only need to be sewn together but desperately need hemming. In America, I’d have solved this problem quickly. But in Korea, it’s not that simple.  I’ve considered taking them to the seamstress down the road, except for the fact that we can’t communicate and she determines when she’ll have my items ready. If I’m lucky it’s the next day. If not, it’s over a week. I need them immediately in order to sleep and have privacy in our bedroom, so I’ve left them the way they are hoping I’ll come up with a better solution.

     It may seem that I don’t have anything important to pray about since I’ve asked God to help me figure out my curtain dilemma. But, it’s part of bigger issue in my life that I’m learning to lean on him for the simple and seemingly irrelevant things. In fact, it’s the “small stuff” that consumes most of my mental energy as I find myself mulling over solutions.  “Dear Lord, will you please give me wisdom about what to do with these curtains?” That was my prayer last week.
     Three days later I received a promised sewing machine from a friend. This wasn't so unusual since she’d offered it to me months ago. But the amazing part was that she included an industrial sized spool of chocolate brown thread with the comment, “I don’t know what you’re ever going to do with this, but I decided at the last minute to throw it in.” What she didn’t know was that my curtains were the same color, and I’d been wondering where on earth around here to find thread, much less brown. God had answered my prayers.
     My husband is the more logical one in the family. He enjoys using deductive reasoning to move from one argument to the next. I’m not so great at it. But I do like the idea of seeing God’s faithfulness in the small things and applying logic to larger issues of life. If he knows when a hair falls from my head then he certainly knows when I have a severe illness. If he cares that I’m burdened with unsightly curtains, then he’s all the more concerned when I have a huge burden.
     Today, I’m reminded that the God who made me and upholds the world is a God of detail – a God who sees a sparrow when it dies (Mt 10:29) and stores my teardrops in a bottle (Ps 56:8). I’m thankful for his acts of kindness as he takes care of every single aspect of my life – even the “stuff” others consider insignificant.

“And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.” (Lk 12:7)

Unwavering Faithfulness

     When my parents divorced I was four years old -- too young to protest or understand what was happening. All I knew was that my father was gone, and I wouldn’t see him but once more until he died.  He chose not to call. Not to send cards or gifts. Not to visit. Although he wasn’t around to impact me in a negative way, his absence etched lifelong scars on my heart about man’s unfaithfulness. If my own father wasn’t reliable or trustworthy who could I ever count on?

     I spent the next twenty years vacillating between hope and despair. The God given desire for faithfulness prompted me to search for it, but repeated experiences with broken relationships left me feeling more wounded and cynical. Against this dismal backdrop, the Lord appeared and began revealing his perfect faithfulness. Like a diamond against black velvet, his trustworthiness and reliability shone with such brilliance that I was completely overwhelmed by it. My mind couldn’t grasp that such security and love existed in a world that had showed me so little of it. I soaked it in, reveled in his perfect love and clung to him out of great fear that something I did or said would drive him away. As the days spilled into months and then years I began to realize that he wasn’t leaving – that everything he said about himself and his character was true. I could relax and count on him!

     Over the past year I've been meditating on the Ephesians 6 passage on the armor of God. Paul reminds me to take up the shield of faith in God’s faithfulness. When Satan comes at me daily with lies that God isn’t going to provide, that he’s not powerful, that his love is not secure and a myriad of other attempts to break my trust in him, the certainty of God’s unwavering, unchanging faithfulness quenches the fiery darts.  Believing, or having faith, in his faithfulness is also the only way to guard my heart from defeat when circumstances and people disappoint.

     God’s faithfulness ensures my often anxious heart that he’s reliable or “consistently good and dependable”. What he says he’s going to do he always fulfills. There isn’t anyone or anything else in all creation that is one hundred percent dependable. Even my husband and closest friends who've shown themselves to be loyal and trustworthy fail at times to honor their word. If I stake my hope in them I'll be perpetually disappointed. But with Christ, I can be certain that his reliability is unfaltering. It’s flawless. He'll never ever break a single promise. And because he's trustworthy, I can go to him with burdens and concerns in confidence that he not only hears us but he always answers. He promises that if I pray in his name, according to his will that he will do “abundantly more than I can ask or imagine.” 

     What can I trust God to do in my life? These are just a few of the promises.

He’s faithful to completely save and sanctify me.  

“He is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.” Heb 7:25

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” 1 Thes. 5:23-24

He’s faithful to forgive all my past, present and future sins.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 Jn 1:9

He’s faithful to be with me though the presence of his Holy Spirit

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.” Jn 14:16-17

He’s faithful to empower, strengthen and uphold me.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Is 41:10

He’s faithful to defend me from the enemy.

“Yet the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and set you on a firm foundation and guard you from the evil one.” 2 Thes 3:3

He’s faithful to provide for all of my emotional, physical and spiritual needs.

“And my God will meet all of your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:19

“He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever.” Ps 111:5

He’s faithful to grow me in wisdom and understanding and knowledge of his will.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” Js 1:5

 “For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless.” Prov 2:6-7

He’s faithful to bring glory to his name through me as he enables me to bear much fruit.

“This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” Jn 15:8

He’s faithful to give me the desires of my heart as I surrender my will to his.

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Ps 37:4

He’s faithful to uphold me in temptation.

“No temptation has seized you expect what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Cor 10:13

The God Who Hears

     Several months ago, we woke up to find a pile of garbage six feet high by about ten feet wide dumped outside our building. It was there in a massive state, tied up in large fishing nets looking like a giant package that had dropped from the sky. It was hard to imagine who had hauled it there and why they decided to put in by our building of all places.

     We tried all the conventional avenues to get rid of it, but each resulted in a dead end. The university couldn’t help us, they said, the city promised to come but never showed up. We had friends call and remind them of their promises, and then received more promises along with estimated dates. But they never came, and we walked outside each morning to the same large and smelly pile of garbage.

     When we finally realized that no one was going to help us remove it, Mark and I resorted to our own creative ideas. One plan was that we would hoist the garbage up to the main street late at night and leave it there. The only problem with that idea was the possibility of a car or bus hitting it and causing an accident. Another plan was to drag it up to the corner so that everyone passing by would see it and hopefully complain. But each of the nets was so large and heavy we couldn’t figure out how would we’d get it there.  

     After seeing the impracticality of both plans, I knew we had only one choice remaining: to ask for God’s help. I’m embarrassed to admit that it hadn’t dawned on me until I’d run out of options. The verse that immediately came to mind was the one in Matt. 21:21 where Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done.”

     For me, the garbage had become an immovable, insurmountable mountain that I had no way of getting rid of. So I began giving it to the Lord, telling him that if he wanted he could remove it, that I would release it to him and allow him to guide us in wisdom and to complete the task that I was incapable of doing. I’d pass it in the morning on my way to work trying not to look at it and pray, “It’s your mountain, God. I’m trusting you to get rid of it or show me how to do it.” This went on for over a week, and I won’t lie in saying it wasn't frustrating. In fact, one night I awoke to a terrible smell. When I realized that we had left the bathroom window cracked and that the odor was coming from the garbage pile, I was undone. How could we live like this much longer, I wondered.

     Another week went by and it remained planted in its same spot, right where I could see it when I entered and left our apartment each day. Then at five one morning we heard loud talking, bottles clanging and then the roar of a truck driving off. When we went down we saw that they had come and taken it, but only half of it, leaving the remaining half strewn about the ground and giving it an even more unsightly appearance. After I came slightly unglued, we prayed again that God would finish the work he’d begun and that we’d continue casting the burden on him.  Later that day, due to our neighbor’s insistence and God’s great intervention, they came and hauled the rest of it off.

     I’m still amazed when I walk by that spot – the place where a mountain of unmovable trash once laid. A place of despair and rot and ugliness that looked unyielding. And I think of the other trash heaps that I’ve let pile up and remain intact. The lies I’ve believed, the anger I’ve allowed to grow rancid in my heart, the fear that often engulfs me. God is the God of action and power. He’s in the business of taking down strongholds and moving mountains.  I’m asking him today to haul off some piles that have been around for way too long, and I know from experience and from his word that he's going to do it.

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 Jn 5:14-15)

With God, Nothing is Impossible

     We’re all hoping, waiting and even longing for some kind of transformation in our lives or circumstances. No matter what we’ve achieved or how much we’ve grown and matured, there’s always another goal or need in the distance. I remember waiting for six long years to get married only to find myself impatiently counting the hours until the birth of our daughters. Right now, I’ve got a room full of dreams, a mixture of desires and needs that I’m asking God to bring to fulfillment. As I examine them some appear more viable than others. A few look completely impossible. But I’m confident that God will accomplish his perfect will for my life, even if it involves moving mountains.

     "What is impossible with men is possible with God" (Lk 18:27). Do you believe it? Do I? I’ve witnessed God do the extraordinary in my own life too many times to count. He’s brought hope when all signs led to absolute despair and wrought deliverance when the wisest counsel declared the situation dire. I’ve been transferred from utter darkness and confusion one day to a panoramic view of hope the next. God has definitely proven that he’s able to do “abundantly more than I can ask for imagine.”

     God says, “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” Jer 32:27. He reminds us from the first day of creation to the resurrection of his Son that his power is unlimited. He’s able to move mountains, part oceans, topple strongholds and heal sickness and diseases. He gives us new hearts, opens our blind eyes and deaf ears to the truth of the Gospel, raises us from death to life. He opens barren wombs, sets the lonely in families, exalts the humble and gives strength to the weak. He heals broken hearts and imparts vision and passion to his people.

     He’s the same God right now that he was thousands of years ago (Heb 13:8). His character and abilities haven’t diminished with time. He’s not run out of power or ceased hearing the prayers of his people. We can go before him in prayer just like Moses and Elijah, Paul and Peter and ask anything in his name, according to his will, and he will do it. When we pray by faith in the name of Jesus he hears us and he answers. Every single time. Whether we’re praying for seemingly irrelevant issues or huge concerns, God hears our cries and he answers (1 Jn 5:14-15).

     Our Father loves us and delights in showing us mercy and compassion. He takes great joy in answering our prayers and revealing his glory in our lives. All we have to do is go to him and ask for help. Our problems may look insurmountable to the human eye but not to God. Nothing is too impossible for him.

Ah Lord God

Ah Lord God, Thou hast made the heavens 
And the earth by Thy great power; 
Ah Lord God, Thou hast made the heavens 
And the earth by Thine outstretched arm. 
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/ah_lord_god.html ]
Nothing is too difficult for Thee, 
Nothing is too difficult for Thee; 

O, great and mighty God, 
Great in power and mighty in deed, 
Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing, 
Nothing is too difficult for Thee.

"Be Still and Know That I Am God"

    This has been one of those weeks when I’ve wanted to shout, “Enough!” Enough of the little things that combine to make up the big things which form into a snowball and come at me with increasing momentum.

     We left the girls at Faith Academy after a short visit and returned to Korea where we began our lives apart once again. We returned to an apartment with puddles on the floor and water stains on the wall from a huge storm, a notice that money wasn’t paid by our renters in the states, a lost bag of my favorite jewelry, and a statement from the school that they’d taken a huge portion out of my paycheck for who knows what. These situations, along with missing the girls, formed a lethal mix in my mind.

     I began praying about each problem and asking God to do something, quickly -- to fix it all so that I could feel better about life. But I woke up the next day and the next without any signs of resolution. I read in Luke about the blind man shouting out for healing and Jesus’ instant command that he be made whole, and I felt somewhat cheated. Why not me, Lord?

     Do you ever feel that way, like life is one big basket of mismatched socks that you have to figure out what to do with? Problems drop into our laps with little notice. One second there’s peace; the next chaos. It reminds me of the time last summer when we went down to the ocean with our younger daughter. As she was standing upon a huge rock in the water, smiling in the sunshine, an enormous wave snuck up behind her and literally engulfed her.  She was so shocked by the suddenness of it all that, for a few seconds, she stood there motionless.

     God isn’t surprised by mammoth waves, financial setbacks or anything else. He knows the beginning from the end and whispers to us in these moments of frustration, “Be still and know that I am God.”  I pictured Jesus walking past me on the road this week with me shouting out, much like the blind man, “Son of God, have mercy on me.” And I imagined him saying, “My child, relax. I’ve already healed you. You were once blind, but now you see. You were once in darkness, but now you’re in the light. I’ve put my Spirit upon you, calling you my own. You're no longer an orphan but a child of the King.”

     His word promises that when the waters come up around me they’ll not overtake me, when the fire burns in my life I’ll not be consumed by it (Is 43:2). Because I’m precious and honored in his sight and because he loves me, he promises to take care of me (Is 43:4).

    By faith I can thank him at this very moment in the midst of unsorted socks and a myriad of tangled threads that seem impossibly knotted together. I can praise him for his faithfulness and wisdom in allowing every single one of these inconveniences to occur. I can relax, put my head on a pillow and with a quiet sense of confidence rest in his promises to uphold, strengthen, provide for and encourage me. He will fulfill every last one of his promises which have been sealed by the blood of his own Son. "The one who calls you (and me) is faithful and he will do it” (1 Thes 5:24).

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Rom 8:32

"Grace, Grace, God's Grace"

When life is going smoothly, I look out at the world’s problems and with relative ease shout a hearty “amen” to God’s promises. I sit among those weighted down by burdens and assure them with confidence of God’s faithfulness and competency to abundantly meet all their needs. His promises seem as clear as day, and declaring the truth feels as natural as breathing. But when the tide turns and these same trials engulf me, my heart tends to faint. I enter a protective zone -- preserving myself, begging God to take the trouble away. Those previously at the forefront of my concerns disappear to some obscure place where I can’t see or hear their needs. My own cries take center stage, drowning out the voices of everyone around me. “Help me God,” I cry. “Deliver me from this mess so I can serve you again.”

This week some difficulties formed an alliance, it seems, and overtook me in a weak moment while my armor lay carelessly on the floor. The “what if’s” were right behind them, reminding me that danger and further suffering were looming. Overrun with worries that these somewhat insignificant trials could morph into long-term, life-changing ones I surrendered to paralyzing fear.

As I sat googling my health problems and looking at pictures that resembled something out of a horror movie, the phone rang. It was a sweet young girl who had called me months ago to talk about struggles she was experiencing. Since I’d faced the same challenges, I was able to assure her of God’s faithfulness and his deliverance.  Most importantly, I emphasized the blessing in the trial, that God would use it for good in spite of the pain it was causing her at the moment.  

Her voice was calm and composed as she told me she had some really good news. Her story wasn’t one of instant deliverance like I’d been praying for but one of grace. God brought another hurting person into her life and gave her the joy and insight to encourage them, thus fulfilling his promise in 2 Cor. 1:4. The same comfort that she’d received in her suffering was now overflowing from her heart into the life of another, and the blessing was such that she was filled with joy. She explained that this picture of “God working all things together for good” was a huge turning point in her mind as to how she viewed her hardship. Though she was still struggling to some degree, she could now understand for the first time how God intended to use it as a blessing.

I hung up the phone with the certainty that I was standing on holy ground. I’d been crying out to God for mercy and deliverance, and this was my answer. Her call reminded me to shift my focus from the demand for deliverance to an acceptance of Christ’s grace and mercy in my weakness. Regardless of my circumstances, I needed to rest in God’s peace knowing that he would work them together for my good and use them to bless others. This trial and all the others I've endured aren’t just for me, though I know I’m being changed. Through suffering, he gives me mercy and compassion for people who are also hurting, possibly going through the same hardships.

God is at work in me “to will and to act according to his good purpose.” He’s conforming me and reshaping my desires, using these hardships to help me realize my finiteness and his greatness, to see them side by side in such a way as one would look upon a gigantic mountain from the valley beneath. It’s not to crush me, to overwhelm me, but to deliver me from the disease of self aggrandizement where I think somehow that I’ve arrived and that I deserve what I’ve been given. It’s to set me free to know with absolute conviction that it’s by grace I stand and by grace I succeed at anything.

My friend’s story brought me to tears. I was joyful for her victory through the fulfillment of God’s promises in bringing healing and restoration. And I was grieving my lack of faith and how my own trials had so quickly left me disillusioned. Turning to my husband who was just yards away I asked, “What would I do if I had cancer or some terminal disease? How could I handle it when something this small has freaked me out?” Without even a pause he said, “The same way you’ve gotten through…….” And he began listing off what seemed insurmountable trials in the past. “By God’s grace,” he said with a gentle and accepting face. Before he could finish I was in his arms and crying like a child, thankful that he loved me in spite of myself, and even more thankful that God’s love extended way beyond his.

That’s what the Christian life is all about, isn’t it? Growing, changing, tasting victory and then realizing through yet another trial that while we’ve grown we still have a ways to go. It’s about God’s love so amazingly poured out through his Spirit, his word and his people as together they cheer us on, challenge us, bind up our wounds, and love us when we feel anything but lovable. It’s about us comforting and encouraging others as they go through what we’ve experienced. It’s about amazing grace that God orchestrates in each of our lives as we trust in him.


 "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us" 2 Cor 1:4. 

                                                                                                                                                         

Running Home

Today I removed the dusty down comforter from our bed -- the one that’s giving Mark allergy attacks every time his nose gets near it. Although putting it in the wash doesn’t sound like a huge undertaking, it’s one that I’ve avoided for months. Sitting in the living room I hear the washer spinning wildly in the background giving me a sense of accomplishment. Just outside the window, lines of clothes flap effortlessly in the breeze on the roof of a nearby building. Someone else carved out time in their busy day to carry them up flights of stairs and carefully secure each one.

Life is about doing the things that aren’t always glamorous. As a stay at home mom for fourteen years I spent a gazillion hours doing what would be considered mundane. When the girls needed me, I was there. That was my job, my joy, my calling. No one had to remind me that spending time with the children would enhance our relationship. Through instinct and experience with others I knew it. 

Most of us discern by the time we’re adults that if we want to have a strong relationship with another person we have to make time to spend alone with them. Getting to know someone is relatively easy, but maintaining a healthy, thriving relationship requires energy and determination fueled by love. Even when we love a person intensely we still find ourselves facing commitments that are sometimes just plain inconvenient. The most caring wife and mother doesn’t always get chill bumps when her husband walks in the door or warm fuzzies when she’s around her children, but part of her commitment is walking in love even when she doesn’t feel it. We listen when we’re tired, cook when we’d rather not, stay up late talking because someone we love is hurting.

While we seem to understand this need for loyalty and sacrifice in our human relationships, we have a propensity to forget it when it comes to God. He doesn’t need us, we reason, and if anyone is going to get the short end of the stick it may as well be him. He’s all-knowing, all-powerful and complete in himself. Our relationship has no way of transforming him or meeting any of his needs. Yet there seems to be a long line of needs outside our door that far exceed what we’re capable of giving. Our inclination and temptation is to put these first, to cast aside our quiet time and get to work. Logic tells us that with so much to do, we don’t have time for prayer and reflection.

We forget that we're dependent upon God’s daily grace in order to walk in the Spirit and bear fruit. Time spent in prayer and in the word enables us to see life like he sees it rather than just a mass of tangled events that don’t have any eternal relevance. As we draw near to him, he opens our eyes to understand the spiritual in the physical and cultivates within our hearts a longing for his kingdom, rather than our own. His agenda for the day encompasses our plans and we’re able to place people, problems and passions in perspective.

I began learning some of these truths the hard way, and they didn’t become a reality for me until I’d been through a long season of suffering. I’d been a Christian for about eight years when we had our first daughter. Once she was born, my energies were spent feeding and taking care of her. Over the course of the next six years I greatly neglected my relationship with the Lord, though it wasn’t intentional at first. I woke up each day thinking I’d find time to spend in prayer and in the word, but cries from the end of the hall dictated otherwise.  Days blurred together as I traversed from one dirty diaper to the next, and my Bible lay unopened on a dusty shelf nearby. Sometimes I’d pick it up for a few minutes and say a quick prayer as I transitioned to what seemed an endless series of chores.

Changes took shape in my heart in such a gradual way that I hardly noticed them. God became increasingly distant, so I started making decisions based on my own judgment instead of relying on his guidance. My hunger for spiritual growth diminished, while tension in my marriage greatly increased. Instead of allowing the struggle to drive me closer to God, I followed my emotions which resulted in bitter arguments and further alienation.  Before I knew it, I was conjuring up ways to escape my marriage while fully justifying my decision.

Meanwhile, God was at work. I developed pneumonia, followed by mono which over many months gave way to what the doctors diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue. As if this wasn’t enough, I’d injured both feet through intense exercise which rendered me bedridden for almost two years. Just getting up each morning to drive the girls to school was enough to exhaust me for the rest of the day. 

 In desperation, I began crying out to God for help and going to his word for comfort and relief. I knew from past experiences that unless I made an appointment with him each morning, he’d quickly be forgotten again. So after taking the girls to school, I entered a quiet place where I could be alone with God. Out of need and longing I declared the time sacred and jealously guarded it. Slowly, the relationship that I’d avoided and neglected for so many years began showing signs of life. God rekindled love in my heart toward him, causing it to overflow into my relationship with my husband. With this came healing and restoration.

As I woke from a season of spiritual darkness, I saw with clarity the gradual decline which had taken place. The frog in the kettle analogy took on an entirely new meaning as I reflected on my own slow but progressive hardening toward God and others. I’d discarded once treasured convictions for new goals that met my selfish desires. And though I’d been on the road to rebellion for almost six years, until this point I was completely blind to my heart’s condition.

Eight years have passed since God brought me through this trial. While I’m certain I was a Christian then, I’m still shocked by my pride and the darkness I'm capable of walking in. God showed me and continues to teach me that abiding in his love is essential to a Spirit-filled walk of faith. Spending time in his word and prayer each day keeps me grounded on his truth, confessing my sins and asking for grace to change, to heal, to move forward in his strength and power and wisdom. Without the constant reminder of his love, I’m unable to give love to others or live victoriously in Christ.

Many people, like me, are tempted to believe that the Spirit’s work in regeneration is enough. They go to church, maybe attend a weekly Bible study and occasionally go to a conference or take part in a women’s retreat. Aside from these activities, they don’t spend time alone with God each day, delving into his word seeking to know him better.

Some resist this spiritual discipline by saying they're interested in a relationship and not a practice -- that expressing themselves freely when they're so inclined is what's important to their spiritual life, that knowledge about God is intrinsic while a systematic study of the Word would be merely academic. They claim they’re interested in a personal relationship with God, not just head knowledge. Yet if a person doesn’t know the truth about God as he’s revealed himself in his word, then there’s no way they can ever really become intimate with him. Additionally, it’s impossible to have an effective and powerful prayer life when we aren't praying regularly and we don’t know how to pray according to his will.

No matter how far we’ve wandered from these truths, the road home is always open. I still remember the first day I was alone with God with nowhere to go, no noises to drown his gentle voice beckoning me to come. I was scared of owning up to what I’d done, to admitting that I’d gone my own way for a long, long time. I dreaded the silence, the conviction. Like the prodigal, I made my journey back with little to offer but sorrow and regret. I was greatly surprised to find him waiting for me -- not with a frown and disapproval but with an abundant measure of mercy and grace. 

“…the LORD longs to be gracious to you, And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.” Is 30:18

A Call to Surrender

     What if. What if I left everything I knew and loved, all that was familiar, to follow a God who isn't real or powerful or good? What if I packed up my house, moved all my belongings into storage, got on a plane and traveled across the world following a call that wasn’t real or a God who does not exist? What if twenty five years ago the God I surrendered to was only a god of my imagination and all these years I’ve been creating my own sense of spirituality? What if nothing I live for is true; what if nothing I’ve been willing to die for is real? What if I can actually make and shape my own future by pursuing my needs and desires without regard for a sovereign God?
    Surrendering to Christ's Lordship involves allowing him to restructure our entire belief system upon the truth of his word, rather than the lies of the world and our own flesh. This entails coming face to face with the greatest fears lurking inside -- the what if's that bind us and hold us back from giving ourselves fully to God. Surrender isn't a minor step of trust but a giant leap of faith, not only when we first put our hope in him but each time he calls us to the impossible. We, like the apostle Paul, ought to be so invested in following Christ that if, in fact, God doesn't exist we're to be pitied above all people (1 Cor 15:19). Counting the cost means realizing that we "walk by faith and not by sight", and we trust in a God we cannot see.
     He calls out to us daily to release the things we deem valuable in order to pursue the plans he has for us. The cross he requires that we carry is indeed a cross. Otherwise, he may have told us to take up our hobby or our desires or our love or our dreams and follow him. Instead he gave one of the most shocking alter calls known to evangelicals. He stood at the front of the sanctuary of life and basically said, “Today is the day of salvation. If you want to live, you’re going to have to die. If you follow me, you'll daily have to take up this cross be willing to suffer the loss of dreams and desires of your flesh. You’ll have to be willing to go through intense persecution at times, to leave your family and friends for my sake and go where ever I ask you to go."

     Jesus’ alter call in no way resembled the “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life” version that we’re all too familiar with. He knew nothing of a self-indulgent gospel whereby God's purpose is to serve our needs and add to our already swelling treasure store of possessions and goals. No, Jesus’ gospel is one that costs a man everything. No holes barred. Nothing held back. Wait, you say. This is too much; it can’t be true. No one would require of me to give up everything, to forsake even my deepest dreams? Jesus says yes, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple....So, likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be my disciple" Lk 14:26-27, 33.
     The watered down, luke-warm gospel of many American churches doesn't resemble the real gospel at all. Instead it's the call to "believe what you want to believe and live like you want to live."  It's taken root in my heart at times so that when suffering, persecution or sacrifice comes I often feel cheated and angry. As a result, my mind clings to these lies that God exists to make me happy and give me everything I want.

    I don't know about you, but I want to know and live by the truth, to follow the one who is the Way, the Truth and the Life, to lose my life daily so that I find it in him.  The cost is great, no doubt, but the reward of knowing him far surpasses anything we'll ever be called to surrender.

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." Lk 9:23-24